Beautifully Broken
by amg06113
Summary: There is more than one secret that Bella has kept from Edward, and now the truth must be told before it is too late. Rated M for content and language to come.
1. Preface

Stephenie Meyer owns all rights to Twilight and the characters that lie within it. I own, a copy of each book and a laptop that allows me to entertain myself with the stories that I have created here. This is my fourth ff in progress and a story that keeps interfering with the others. I hope I do it come justice.

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There is more than one secret that Bella has kept from Edward, and now the truth must be told before it is too late.

**Preface**

***BPOV***

Looking across the desk at the man who was holding my fate in an ugly manila folder I began to feel nervous. In his hand rested a file that would determine the course of my future and my families as well. I would love to say that he was a lawyer or even a loan officer, but he wasn't. Dr. Aro held my test results from last week and the expression on his face was unreadable. He looked from the papers in front of him up to me. He clicked his pen and I knew before the words came out of his mouth, it wasn't good.

"Well as you know the results have come in. And it is what I had anticipated." His eyes met mine. I thought back to when we discussed his original prognosis; it was all cold medical language that made no sense to me. I researched and knew without a doubt he would be right. I hated that thought. My leg began shaking uncontrollably and I tried shifting to stop it. I was afraid that if I didn't I would bounce right out of the chair I was sitting so uncomfortably in. My mind began to spin out of control with all of the things that I knew were going to have to happen now. I didn't like the idea of any of it.

Dr. Aro put my file down and calmly said "Ms. Swan we need to discuss treatment plans. As well as counseling and support groups." I tried to focus on what he was saying but it all seemed so unimportant. I tried my best to keep my emotions in check. My mother, Renee, always told me I could be read like a book because I wore my emotions so clearly. I shook my head.

"No. Not today. I need time to process all of this, and spend time with my family right now." I picked up my bag and shook Dr. Aro's hand then headed toward his door. He looked concerned as I left his office, but I knew that he had other patients to deal with as well. His concern would be short lived. I pondered having my file send to my childhood home, for a second opinion or rather to be treated by the one doctor who always told things to me in a manner that I could handle.

I headed down the corridor to where three of the most important people in my life were awaiting the news of my test results. I knew Renee was waiting for what she prayed was good news, and Charlie, my dad had flown in to be here as a support for us. I didn't know how I was going to break it to Renee that her prayers were in vain. As for my father, his insistence to not take no for an answer had brought the two of them back together after 27 years of separation. Charlie had never let go of his love for my mother, and she had tried desperately to make it work with a semipro baseball player named Phil but after three years of moving around and no commitment from a team or him caused her to give up. Their need for everything to be okay with me had lead them to comfort each other, and now as I watched their interaction from down the hall I saw him holding her hand, fingers intertwined like two teenagers. I smiled to myself, something good would come of this at least I hoped it would.

The two of them didn't hear me approach, but the third of the party did. Her green eyes turned to me immediately, they widened in anticipation. Renesme, my beautiful child read me better than even my mother. She knew by my weak smile and whatever lay in my eyes that the news was anything but good. She hopped down from the chair she sat in and walked toward me. I lowered myself to her level and she placed a small hand on my cheek. I closed my eyes and sighed into her touch. When I opened my eyes to look at her she was waiting with her question.

"We're going to find him now aren't we?" Her small voice held more wisdom and understanding than her seven years should have allowed. I toyed with a bronze ringlet that fell from the braid I had haphazardly woven this morning. I lifted her up in my arms and she placed her chin on my shoulder. I looked to my parents, and that brought on the tears that my mother must have been storing during the excruciating wait. She clutched my father's shirt to her as the flood began and the sobs over took her.

My father always the protector, always the strong one asked the question I knew he didn't want to. "How long?" His voice broke as the words came out. I shifted Renesme so that I could hold her and display the number with my fingers. As I held up my fingers so that only he could see he signed and closed his eyes. Then my small angel leaned back and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, making me think of the millionth time today how like her father she truly was. The tears began to pool in her eyes, as I kissed her forehead.

"I will always be right here with you. You got that kiddo. Always." I said placing my hand on her heart. My voice faltered and I knew she would be angry when the time came. I would let her be, because I would be angry right along with her. She knew the truth of things even without me telling it to her. She was so like her father. As I set her down and we ushered my mother into the elevator to leave, Renesme pinched the bridge of her nose. Another of her father's habits that their one knew she had.

"He's not going to be happy about any of this you know." Her small voice let out an adult sigh. I held her hand and squeezed. Looking at her but talking more to myself I said "He will get over it." I thought of him and how things had been. How our lives were always connected, but never interwined. That was until our senior year of undergraduate school. For a brief time, our lives had interwined and the result was a gift I could never regret. It was also a heartbreak that I would never outlive. Both literally and figuratively.

I allowed myself to think back knowing that when I faced him next it would not be pleasant, but it was something I would have to do.

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Please review good or bad.


	2. Life, death and lyrics

**Stephenie Meyer owns...you already know what she owns. I'm just having fun with her characters. **

**I am working on a playlist for this story...for this chapter Avirl Lavigne's Complicated. Once I get a few more I will post the list on my profile and a link to be able to listen to them all as well. Thanks to all who have read so far. I hope you like this chapter. Please remember to review after you read it. **

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**8 YEARS EARLIER**

***BPOV***

"I can't believe I have to take this stupid course!" I was walking the short distance across campus with Angela my roommate complaining yet again about the Humanities class my advisor neglected to mention that I needed to complete my core requirements for graduation.

**(FLASH BACK)**

The day before registration he looked at my selected courses and then at everything I had taken. He grinned and then he frowned.

"Um, Ms. Swan, Bella you don't have your Humanities course requirement completed yet." His brow creased and then he looked up at me. He pulled out the course book for the college and flipped through it. My mouth sat open jaw on the floor. This has got to be a joke. I can't fit another course in and I needed what I had to receive the specialization certificate. This old man must be playing a joke on me.

"But Dr. Shay I don't have room for anything else. Registration is tomorrow!" I said in a tone that my mother would have yelled at me for using with an adult.

"Ah hah! Life and Death! That class still has room in it and it will fit in on your MWF open slot." The snowy haired old man smiled in victory having added another 3 hours to my week in class. Deep down I knew this could not be good. Everything in my being told me I should not sign up for this class. But if I didn't want to be a super senior or have to take a course over the summer I needed to.

**(END OF FLASH BACK)**

"Oh Bella it isn't so bad. I took it freshman year!" Angela beamed. I sighed and groaned internally that I had gotten the senile professor who forgot for three and a half years that I needed to take this class. "And wait until you do the project. It is kind of cool. Unless he changed it since then. Hey I'll meet you after class for lunch. Okay?" She paused outside her classroom door. I sighed and forced out a smile.

"Alright Ang, I'll see you right here after class." I said trying to not to think of the hour long class I was dreading. Since I had walked with Angela through the science building I was at the lower level of the biggest lecture hall on campus which was where my class was being held. I didn't understand why a Humanities class was being taught in a science lecture hall until I walked in. I sighed and blew the strand of hair that had fallen into my face. The room was packed. As I looked around for an open seat I noticed several other seniors that I had taken classes with throughout the years. Well at least I wasn't the only senior spending their spring term here. I headed up the steps toward the back/top of the lecture hall. There were about five or six seats available as I looked around. Three in the very front row, not happening and three in the last row. That was more like it. As I headed up I saw Jessica another senior that I had taken Spanish with last fall. I smiled at her as I climbed the steps and then froze. In one of the seats in the top row was my own personal nightmare. My jaw hit the floor and I closed my eyes praying I was wrong. It couldn't be him. What the hell was he doing here?

"Bella, HELLLOOOO! Earth to Bella! Are you okay?" Jessica asked as I stood frozen next to the aisle she was sitting in. I opened my eyes to find that he was still there and now he was looking at me. I blinked and turned to Jessica "I'm fine, just someone I haven't seen in years and it took me by surprise." It came out more as a whisper than anything else. I couldn't believe this. Jessica followed my eyes up to him sitting there glaring at me. She made a sound that could have passed as a purr. "Bella he looks fucking de'lish. Your ass better get back there or I'm ditching Lauren and taking that seat." I looked around trying to avoid his death glare that was directed at me. The last seat in the entire lecture hall was next to him. I looked up to the ceiling and mumbled "Why do you hate me so much lately?" Jessica just chuckled. "Go get him girl!" I trudged up the remaining steps with Jessica and now Lauren laughing behind me. I approached the seat and saw that it looked like everyone was paired off based on how they sat. This did not make me feel good. The professor entered the room at the base of the hall as I sat down. While he set his brief case down I asked one question without making I contact.

"What are you doing here Cullen?" I tried to sound nonchalant, but I knew I was not fooling anyone. This man had an effect on me that no one else ever had; I had never hated anyone more. I had traveled across the country to go to a college as far away from him as possible. The sad part is that my entire adolescence I had harbored the biggest crush on him. His twin sister had been my best friend since grade school. Our families were close; we had lived next door to each other our entire lives. And at some point around our eighth birthdays Edward Cullen and I became mortal enemies. And around our tenth I was hopelessly head over heels.

"What's it matter to you Swan?" His voice dripped with hatred. I wanted to cry. Why was he here, why this class, why now? He snorted, "What no smart response? I expected more from the likes of you." I pulled out my book and binder. I just had to get through the next hour. I could do that. And then the other shoe dropped.

As the professor wrote his name on the board he spoke in a loud voice "My name is Professor Kelly, you may all call me DK. I'd like you to notice how the seats are set, the person next to you will be your partner for your semester projects. They will become your best friend over the next 14 weeks. They will know everything about you, because the only way that either of you will pass this class is if you work together on the assignments and complete the five projects together. Your first assignment is to take the packet that is being sent around and answer in depth each question. You are not to give your packets to each other for to fill out, you must converse. You must get to know each other. This is the partner's interpretation of the answers so nothing should be less than five words a question. You may work here or leave and work elsewhere but you must have these complete for the next class." And with that DK picked up his brief case and walked out of the lecture hall.

Edward and I were the last to get the packets. He ran his hands through his hair. "Son of a bitch! He has got to be kidding about this. How the hell am I supposed to work with you on anything for 14 weeks?!" Edward's words came out louder than even he expected. Everyone that was still in the lecture hall turned and looked at the two of us. I felt my face flame; I grabbed my stuff and crammed it into my bag.

"Screw you asshole!" I spat back at him. I stood to leave and he grabbed my arm. I winced, his words were enough they always had been I didn't need him physically hurting me now either. I turned on him, showing the true daughter of a police chief in my seething "Let go of me! Don't you ever touch me again! You have no right to lay one finger on me!" Edward released his hold, pulling his hand back as if he had been burned. My arm tingled where he had grabbed me, but not in the sense of hurting, it was more like he had marked me in that spot. If I was six I might find myself saying I would never wash that spot again. But I wasn't six and he hated me. To prove it he selected that moment to rolled his eyes at me and then pointed out what neither of us wanted to be reminded of. "We have to do the packets together, by Wednesday. How do you want to get them done? I don't know about you but I need this class to graduate." I sat back down and pulled out a post-it pad.

"Here," I said as I scribbled down my information "I have class all day today and I am meeting my roommate for lunch after her class gets out. You will have an email from me with all my answers by the morning. You can email me back your answers. We don't have to talk; we don't have to ever see each other except for the hour we are in class. That should make this a little more bearable for you. Okay Cullen?" I patted the purple square onto his packet. And stood again to leave. I walked away thinking I had heard him mumble something to me but it was too low for me to actually hear.

I walked toward the class Angela was in and prayed that she would get out early too. I pulled my ipod out and skimmed through the tracks and finally settled on a playlist to help with the mood I was now in. I was so wrapped up in listening to Avril Lavigne sing Complicated and mumbling the words to myself that I never noticed him approach me. "Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated? I see the way your acting like you're somebody esle. Gets me frustrated. Life's like this. You fall and you crawl and you break. And you take what you get and you turn into. Honestly you promised me. I'm never gonna find you fake it..." Mid chorus I noticed that someone was sitting next to me. Music still blaring in my ears I turned and looked at who it was.

I felt my heart stop. My mouth went dry. The words were flowing in my head but not out of my mouth. What the hell! His head turned and looked at me.

"What are you gaping at Swan?" He said in a cold voice sounding much like I was used to. The proximity of him I was not used to, it had me dazed even if only momentarily. "Take that shocked look off your face. That professor said that you were the only way that I was passing, and the fact is that you gave me your email address but how are you going to send me your answers if you don't know my email address." All I could do was blink. My brain finally caught up with his words "Well Cullen, I could just look it up on the directory you know. Or you could just email me your answers first." I tried to sound unaffected by him but I knew it was written across my face. And then he smirked.

"So you were hoping I would get my packet done first then send it to you tonight? Do you think I don't have other classes that I need to get to? Speaking of," He glanced at his watch before he finished "I have awhile before I need to be to my next class. I just might hammer this out now. Here." He sighed as he handed me a slip of notebook paper. "Oh and Alice told me if I ran into while I took my class here to tell you to call her already. She has something to tell you that she doesn't want to do via AIM." He stood and walked away. I debated saying good bye, instead I looked to the paper he handed me. In his perfect writing he had given me more information than I had given him. Just before his email address were the words URMC Pedatric Hematology/Oncology. I looked up to see that he was not to the end of the hall yet. I'm not sure what made me think he would go to this school, he had always planned to be a doctor even when we were children.

"Cullen why are you in the class if you don't even go to this school?" I called down the hall to his back. He stopped in his tracks turned around gave his signature cocky grin and said "Well shit you do catch on quick don't you?" I glared at him. My eyes narrowing as I prepared my response "It was a simple question Edward, you don't always have to be an asshole you know." It failed to convary my true feelings, but then again I had been playing this I hate you bit with him for so long, I don't think I knew my true feelings anymore. I braced myself for his retort, but what I got instead was him quoting the lines I had been listening to before. "Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated? I see the way your acting like you're somebody else..." And then he turned back around and walked around the corner of the hallway. I slumped against the wall waiting for Angela and hoping to understand what had just happened to me.

***EPOV***

I hated the fact that I had to take this class here. I wasn't sure about even taking this class at all, but my father and my advisor felt it would be good for me. My bedside manner would benefit from it. I remember asking my father why they didn''t offer it at my college if would benefit my ability to practice medicine. He smiled and said sometimes we need to look outside the box to learn how to be better at what we do. I just huffed that it was stupid. I wasn't sure I could handle being that close to her. I knew she would be on that campus somewhere. No one understood my need to select this Medical school when there were so many knocking down my door for me to attend. I told my family that it was the fact that they weren't that posed the most interest. They were well known and connected to a hospital that was advancing in my area of interest. Only my mother and father knew and understood my interest in Pediatric Hematology/Oncology. When the last person asked what it was gasped and asked why I would want to work in such a sad area of medicine, I knew they wouldn't understand my reasoning. My parents did and they never questioned it.

I wouldn't let Alice, my twin sister, tell any of her friends where I was going for school. Especially not Bella. I knew she had applied to a school in the same city, and I was terrified that someone would see through me and realize why I had really picked that school. The thought four years ago of being anywhere she wasn't was not easy for me to comprehend. She had been next to me my whole life, and thinking on it now made it sound pathetic. We weren't anything to each other. She hated me, and I played my role of hating her because it was so much easier to play like I didn't care than to have to explain how much I truly did.

As I sat in the lecture hall I thought back on when we were children. I the time that set me on the path I was currently on. I sat there thinking of all the ways that our lives had been linked, and of each point I feared lossing her. I had done a great job later in our adolescence of keeping her at a distance so it wouldn't hurt quite as much. As the room began to fill I noticed that there were quite a few students grumbling about having to take this course and something about semester long projects. "Thanks dad!" I said as I thought about how I had my fellowship work to do as well. Suddenly I saw her. Standing there gaping at me. The girl next to her said something looked back at me and spoke again. Bella just stood there. I became annoyed at the fact that she couldn't stop staring and had that look on her face. The lecture hall filled fast and the last seat seemed to be next to me. I swallowed hard as I watched her approach. She sat down and the professor entered the room.

I didn't know what to say to her, but it didn't matter she spoke first "What are you doing here Cullen?" She sounded like I had destroyed her perfect day. Always so snide when it came to me. I couldn't help but to respond in like "What's it matter to you Swan?" It hurt to talk to her like that, I hadn't seen her in years and only wanted to know that she was well. But the words just flowed out as always "What no smart response? I expected more from the likes of you." I cringed. I had hurt her, I could see it on her face. In the way she pulled out her things and pretended I wasn't there. Then the professor started to speak and my heart about exploded with what he said.

As the professor wrote his name on the board he spoke in a loud voice "My name is Professor Kelly, you may all call me DK. I'd like you to notice how the seats are set, the person next to you will be your partner for your semester projects. They will become your best friend over the next 14 weeks. They will know everything about you, because the only way that either of you will pass this class is if you work together on the assignments and complete the five projects together. Your first assignment is to take the packet that is being sent around and answer in depth each question. You are not to give your packets to each other for to fill out, you must converse. You must get to know each other. This is the partner's interpretation of the answers so nothing should be less than five words a question. You may work here or leave and work elsewhere but you must have these complete for the next class." And with that DK picked up his brief case and walked out of the lecture hall.

Bella and I were the last to get the packets. I ran my hands through my hair a nervous habit, especially when it came to Bella. "Son of a bitch! He has got to be kidding about this. How the hell am I supposed to work with you on anything for 14 weeks?!" My words came out and I groaned, I had not meant to say that out loud, but it was out. It was one thing to be on campus with her, or even in a class, but to have to spend each class next to her. I could already smell her strawberry shampoo, and something new. It was a different perfume than what I had been used to in high school. I was immune to that scent, but this one drew me in. I realized then that Bella and everyone that was still in the lecture hall had heard me. Students turned and looked at the two of us. I felt my face flame; and saw Bella grab her things.

"Screw you asshole!" She yelled as she stood to leave. I don't know what possessed me to but I reached out and grabbed her arm. I saw her wince and then in a seething voice declared "Let go of me! Don't you ever touch me again! You have no right to lay one finger on me!" I was shocked by two things, what she said and how she said it. I dropped her arm instantly and felt the loss of holding her in any form. I felt like such a dick for making her upset and hating me more. I rolled my eyes because I could hear my old brother Emmett call me a pussy whipped pansy for feeling like this after so long. I didn't want to loss her not this way so I took a deep breath and pointed out what neither of us wanted to be reminded of. "We have to do the packets together, by Wednesday. How do you want to get them done? I don't know about you but I need this class to graduate." I couldn't bare to look at her thinking she must hate me even more now. To my relief she came back over to where I was sitting and did the same. Reaching into her bag she began to say "Here, I have class all day today and I am meeting my roommate for lunch after her class gets out. You will have an email from me with all my answers by the morning. You can email me back your answers. We don't have to talk; we don't have to ever see each other except for the hour we are in class. That should make this a little more bearable for you. Okay Cullen?" She placed a purple square on my packet then stood again to leave. Again without thinking I spoke but this time in a much lower tone, "I've missed you Bella."

I took several deep breaths looking at the purple post-it memorizing her information and then took a chance and called the one person who would know what I need to do.

"Yes brother of mine?" Alice's voice came through the phone and I felt at ease. Before I could even tell her why I was calling she said it "So, I take it you ran into Bella. I am assuming it didn't go so well since you are calling me when you should be in class." I shook my head and began to walk out of the lecture hall. I wasn't used to this building and needed to get back to my car so I was taking my time while I told Alice what happened. "Oh Edward! You needed to get over your self a long time ago. I don't know why you play this stupid back and forth with her." I ran my hands through my hair. Alice called things as she saw them and that was what I needed right now.

"Well oh great, wise and all seeing sister of mine, what is it I do now? I can't make it through this class with her hating me, and there is no way either one of us will pass if we don't find a to work together." I sighed hoping she would have the answer, Alice always had the answer I just never seemed to listen or act in time.

"Oh silly and incapable brother, all you have to do is tell her. Oh and after you do that tell her to call me." Alice chirped into the phone. This was her sound advice, this was the answer that would make it better? Was she joking? I didn't know what else to say to her, I wanted to argue that I needed more than that but it was pointless. And then I saw her sitting on the floor outside another classroom. "Ali I have to go, I think it is a now or never moment for me." And with that I hung up and stuffed my phone in my pocket. I walked slowly hoping not to scare her, but she didn't seem to notice, in fact as I got closer I heard her singing along to her Ipod. I stood for a moment and listened to her and then I slid down the wall and sat next to her. Going unnoticed because her music was so loud and she was getting into it. I ripped a piece of paper and wrote down all my contact information. _All you have to do is tell her. _Okay Ali I hope you are right. I waited wanting to get her attention but hoping she would notice me on her own. I glanced at the screen of the Ipod. I wondered what else she listened to lately.

"Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated? I see the way your acting like you're somebody esle. Gets me frustrated. Life's like this. You fall and you crawl and you break. And you take what you get and you turn into. Honestly you promised me. I'm never gonna find you fake it..." It was at this point that she looked at me, and I couldn't help but think she was singing it to me. That the song was directed to me as an actual question. I always wondered how she felt about me deep down, if it was how I felt about her. But in my mind she made things complicated. Although it wasn't really her fault. Ali was right, I needed to just tell her. As I looked into her beautiful chocolate brown eyes, I felt this moment was a stepping stone for getting there.

She was staring and all I wanted to do was pull her to me instead I pulled what I hoped would be the last dick moves and said "What are you gaping at Swan? Take that shocked look off your face. That professor said that you were the only way that I was passing, and the fact is that you gave me your email address but how are you going to send me your answers if you don't know my email address." All she did was blink and then snapped back "Well Cullen, I could just look it up on the directory you know. Or you could just email me your answers first." She sounded pissed but a hint of crimson spread across her face. There was something more there, I felt it and then I smirked.

"So you were hoping I would get my packet done first then send it to you tonight? Do you think I don't have other classes that I need to get to? Speaking of," I looked at my watch saying "I have awhile before I need to be to my next class. I just might hammer this out now. Here." It was the moment I was one of the most terrifying moments of my life as I handed her a slip of notebook paper. "Oh and Alice told me if I ran into while I took my class here to tell you to call her already. She has something to tell you that she doesn't want to do via AIM." I stood and walked away. I debated waiting for her to read it but felt that it wouldn't matter. As soon as she did read it she would notice. I was not to the end of the hall yet, when it happened.

"Cullen why are you in the class if you don't even go to this school?" She yelled down the hall to my back. I stopped and turned around and grinned as I said "Well shit you do catch on quick don't you?" She glared at me. "It was a simple question Edward, you don't always have to be an asshole you know." I thought of Ali again, it is a now or never moment Cullen just do it. But the only thing I could come up with that wouldn't send her running was the words she had been singing just moments before, "Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated? I see the way your acting like you're somebody else..." And then I turned back around and walked around the corner of the hallway. I prayed for two things, first that she would chase me down the hall and throw her arms around me when she caught up to me, and second that she wouldn't because as bad as I wanted it I knew that we needed to hash a lot out before that day ever came. I walked out the closest door and released the breath I had been holding.

As I approached my car, my phone began to vibrate and play the melody to Linkin Parks In The End, telling me I had a text message. I pulled out the phone and looked at the screen I didn't know the number but once I scrolled down to the message I knew it was from her. She might not have chased me down the hall but this was definitely step number two.

**_What was that supposed to mean?_**

I responded back as I headed toward the lot where my car was, and smiled that she was trying to figure it out, that was a good sign. I hope.

**What do you think it meant? **

Before I could close my phone I had another one from her. It took everything for me not to retrace my steps and go find her in that hallway and just tell her everything.

**_I have no clue when it comes to you, I haven't in a long time._**

Instead of a simple answer I throw out more lyrics to see what she would say.

**I sometimes think too much. But say nothing at all...**

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**Please review...I really could use the thoughts on how this is going. And if you do, I will write you into the story (talk about motivation)! The next chapter will have their questions on it...and an explanation from Edward's POV as to why things are the way they are between them. Also if you are wondering what song Edward's last text is from it is Tell Her This by Del Amitri. One of my favorite songs.**


	3. Matters of Consequence

**Thank you to all who read the previous chapters. As promised this chapter explains why Edward and Bella don't get along. It is from both POV. **

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***BPOV***

Angela's class lasted long enough for me to become even more confused about things. I had sat there and debated going after Edward, I felt I would never have agreed to in the past but the fact that he had just twisted my own words on me drove me nuts. I needed answers but I was not going after him. I looked at the paper in my hand and took the chance that he would still have his old cell number still. Charlie and Renee had insisted that I have one while away at school; there had definitely been times when I needed it.

I typed the message and pressed send, praying that he would not reply. Oh who was I kidding I wanted him to respond.

_**What was that supposed to mean?**_

When he did I was only more confused. Edward and I had never been friends, why would he think I was pretending to be someone I wasn't?

**What do you think it meant? **

I scratched my head. What game is he playing here? It could have meant anything. The male mind always confused me and Edward's was the worst. I grunted and sent another message hoping for a more direct response this time. I mean really, I wasn't psychic!

_**I have no clue when it comes to you, I haven't in a long time.**_

And it was the true, not since I was seven had I had any clue when it came to him. Even then I was seven I didn't have a clue when it came to me. His response had my head whirling even more.

**I sometimes think too much. But say nothing at all...**

He did not just answer me with another song lyric did he? What. The. Hell. At this point Angela's class was released, and I couldn't wait to get her help decoding this confusion. Ben her four year crush came out of the door right after her with a wicked grin on his face.

"What's with Ben?" I asked. I had never seen him smile like that unless it was after scoring in a soccer or lacrosse game. He looked like he had just won a major tournament on his own. Angela looked over her shoulder and smiled at him. He then winked back. My jaw hit the floor for the hundredth time in less than an hour.

"Angela, start talking!" I said as we walked toward the exit that would lead us across campus to the dorms and the dining hall. She blushed four shades of red and just kept smiling. Ben was ahead of us with some other members of the soccer team and kept looking back in our direction. Suddenly he stopped and stood in place. The others hadn't noticed and kept walking. When Angela and I reached him he started walking again.

"So how's it going, ladies?" He sounded a little nervous, but still quite sure that what he was saying would be welcome conversation. I knew at this point Angela wasn't talking so I spoke up hoping to get some answers about the new development I was watching before me.

"Well Ben, it is going pretty well. Can I ask you a question though? You don't have to answer if you don't want, I'm just curious is all." Angela shot me a death glare, but Ben looked like he was willing to answer anything so long has he got to keep walking with us. At this point we reached the doors to Ward Hall, Ben pulled the door open and held it as he responded "Shoot Bella, ask away. I hope I can give you the answer you need."

I smiled. "Thanks for holding the door. And well I just wanted to know if you were going to ask my room here out or not? Because, if you keep beaming at her and don't ask her out, well I will have to kick your soccer playing ass." I walked through the door way and saw both him and Angela turn a new shade of crimson.

"BELLA!" Angela yelled at me as I began to laugh. Ben cleared his throat and looked at me very seriously.

"Well, actually, I was going to see if she wanted to do something this Friday night. You just beat me to the punch is all." Ben smiled at Angela who suddenly broke into a huge smile. I nudged her and she stepped forward toward Ben.

"Um, sure. That would be great. I, uh have a physics class until 6 though." She said with disappointment. Ben however had a 70 watt smile.

"Is it with Barney?"He seemed eager for her answer, and I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow. I didn't know much about Ben academically, but I had a feeling that there was about to be two guaranteed partners in that class.

"Yeah, are you in that class?" Angela asked. I could feel her hope just coming off of her. Ben smiled again and said "Yeah, so I'll see you in class later then. Maybe we can grab dinner after class?"

I couldn't help it I had to say something "I think you are going to see more of my roommate than I am." I knew that the class she was talking about was a MWF class that also had a Tuesday lab time scheduled. I turned and started toward the dining hall without them. They were talking and seemed too wrapped up in things to be bothered. I knew Angela would catch up sooner or later.

After grabbing a salad and a wrap I headed toward our usual booth. It was selected freshman year when Angela first told me about her crush on Ben. It gave us a clear view of the entire dining hall as well as the athletic fields across the road that cut through campus. I sat down and started to look over the packet that had been handed out to us. The top was a syllabus, this guy sounded pretty relaxed about things. As I read further I couldn't believe the assignments. I mean I understood the class was called Life and Death, but seriously? He had fieldtrips planned for us as well. I was almost mortified. I hadn't been on a "fieldtrip" since Bio my junior year at Forks High School. I kept reading and though my jaw would never leave the floor at this point. Some of these questions sounded more personal than I felt were necessary. DK had written in the assignment description that it was to help us get to know our selves better and some of the questions would be used to write….(I swallowed hard when I saw it) an obituary for our partner and be able to give a eulogy to the class about them as well. I looked up in time to Angela walking toward me with Ben trailing behind as he talked to a few of his teammates. They each gave him a high five and I heard one say "About time!" I smiled for them, seeing that he must have liked Angela from a far just as she had him.

When she sat down, I looked at her with an extremely serious expression. "Ang, why didn't you tell me what the assignments were? How am I going to do this? How is he going to handle this? Oh why does this always happen to me?" Her expression told me she had no idea what I was talking about. Then I realized I hadn't told her about Edward yet. I hadn't told her about him ever in our four years of friendship. I hadn't felt I needed to.

"You better not drink anything for a while because you aren't going to believe this, and I don't want to get sprayed if you spit anything out." I said as I began to tell her the events of my morning after leaving her and then had to explain the back story behind him and me.

"Oh Bella. I never realized. What are you going to do? I mean you have to do the assignments to pass the class. And he doesn't joke around about those things. When I took it a couple of football players did them as jokes and failed. Are you going to contact DK and explain it to him? Wow I bet you and this Edward will be a first for him. I doubt he has ever had students with a background like yours. Not to mention your own personal issues."

I nodded. I didn't want to think about that right now. It was bad enough that I would have to be thinking about it while doing these damn assignments I didn't want to deal with the appointment I had tomorrow any sooner than I needed to. As Ben sat down next to me I picked at my lunch. Angela explained that I was taking the Life and Death class and that I was having some issues with my partner and the assignments. He shrugged and then asked if either of us were in Civil War with old man Shay. I laughed, because I had taken the course freshman year and had been one of his veterans since then. Angela answered for both of us. "Bella already took the course and loved it and that goofy old man that she threatened me if I didn't take it, and she is helping him plan the spring trip. She's planned every trip since spring of freshman year!" Ben whooped with the knowledge that he would have another class with Angela and then the famous trip as well.

I smiled weakly, "Whoa there killer, you won't be rooming with her I can tell you that already. You aren't married. I help with every aspect to let him teach on the trip. And you miss with that and I'll go Gestapo on you and sent you home via my boot!" Ben laughed and I began to look out the window thinking on what I had told Angela.

**(Flash back to a seven year old Bella, Alice, and Edward in the school playground)**

"Ali, Bella. Watch this!" Edward yelled as he swung his swing as high as it could go and flip off of it in mid air.

"EDWARD! I'm telling dad you did that! You know what he says about things like that!" Alice yelled at him. He was still laughing. I was sitting in the grass reading The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe because it was on our reading list and my dad didn't have time to read it to me at night. I shook my head to my two best friends. This was pretty much how every day with them went. Edward did something that made Alice yell at him, and he just laughed it off.

"Bella are you coming to our house today until your dad gets home?" Edward asked. I nodded. It was routine that while my dad was on duty I would stay with the Cullen's. My mom was in Phoenix trying her hand at being a hairdresser, and soaking up the sun. She would fly me there each summer for quality time, but it was no different than living with Charlie. She was always working or out on a date and I was always alone. At least here I had the Cullen clan.

"Are you going to finish reading the chapter from last night?" Edward asked without looking at me. Edward refused to read anything on the chapter list. Esme was worried at first until he finally confessed that he didn't need to read it himself if I was going to read it out loud to him. She insisted he have his own copy of the book and read along with me, or head alone before I read it out loud. I had apologized to her, saying that it was habit for me to read out loud because it was always so quiet in the house so it made me feel like someone else was there if I read that way.

"I thought you didn't want to hear any more of The Little Prince." I said matter of fact. Just the night before he had complained about the book and that it was old. He shrugged.

"I changed my mind. I guess I can listen to a little bit more of it before I decide if it sucks or not." He said. The rest of our classmates were starting to head toward the tree that the teacher made us line up at. Alice was bouncing her way over talking to Tyler and Eric about the spelling test we had taken earlier. Edward put his hand out to help me up I raised an eyebrow at him and before either of us could say anything Tanya Denali came running over "Hey Eddie!" He turned to look at her and grimace. I stood up far too quickly and felt light headed. Then I fell. I landed on my wrist and felt the bone break. The snap was so loud it caused Edward to turn and look at me before the tears began and the pain truly hit causing me to cry out.

"Bella! Are you okay? What happened? Tanya can you go get Ms. Davis please?" Edward sounded pained, and Tanya just stood there. "TANYA!" He yelled at her.

"Geez Eddie. Bella is always getting hurt. What's the rush? She's just going to go to the nurse and get sent back to class with an ice pack or the chief is going to pick her up early. I mean really? Why are you so worried?" Tanya said in a snotty voice. I didn't like her at all.

The tears were streaming down my face and Edward helped me up. "Bitch." Edward mumbled as we headed toward the rest of the class. My wrist had turned red and swollen. "I think you broke it Bella. I'll take you to the nurse she can call Charlie and he can take you to the hospital for a cast." He tried to reassure me that I would be okay but I couldn't stop crying. Ms. Davis saw us coming and told Alice to go with us. She must have known that Edward would never leave my side and Alice would be a nuance in class until she knew what was going on.

I turned to Edward between sobs "Don't use that word. It isn't nice. Even if she is one, whatever it is. I heard Charlie use it after Renee told him she was seeing the baseball player. I know it isn't good so don't say it again." He grimaced and promised.

It was four hours later when Dr. Cullen, Edward and Alice's father, pulled Charlie aside. I heard them talking while the young resident that Carlisle had deemed worthy finished my cast.

"Charlie, I'm a bit concerned. Looking at Isabella's file has shown her here far more times than a child her age should be." Carlisle's concern was clear in his voice, but I didn't like where this was going.

As if reading my thoughts Charlie spoke up "Whoa now Dr. Cullen, I don't think I like what you are standing here and implying."

"Charlie, please you know you can always call me Carlisle even here. And I'm not implying that you have ever hurt Isabella. I'm saying as a medical professional something has me worried. I would like your permission to run some tests. I know if it were my children I would insist on only the best and you and Isabella are practically my family, so I want the same for her. Please?" Carlisle said no longer sounding like a doctor but more like a father, or concerned friend.

There was a long pause; I heard Charlie let out a long sigh. "Okay. Yeah okay. What kind of test though? What are you looking for?" Charlie sounded worried, the infinite possibilities of what could be wrong with his little girl and it might not just be a clumsy gene.

I didn't hear what Carlisle said to him. I was too tired from everything and the pain killers that I had taken were making me a little sleepy. It was very late when Charlie took me home. Before he could carry me into the house, I recalled hearing Edward's voice.

"Is she okay Chief Swan? I'm sorry I wasn't paying attention when she fell. If I had been she wouldn't have gotten hurt. I really am sorry sir." I could hear the tears in his voice. Charlie patted the mess of bronze on Edward's head.

"It isn't your fault Edward. I know you look out for her. There are just some things that you and I can't protect her from." My father sounded sad. I knew he was worried like Carlisle, but his job had always been to protect, and Carlisle's to heal. I think he felt somewhere he had failed in protecting me and that hopefully Carlisle would be able to heal me.

Charlie brought me up to my room, Edward on his heels. "Bella was going to read to me tonight. Do you mind if I stay and read to her?" It was not unusual for us to be together so my dad agreed to it. I was drifting in and out of sleep as I listened to Edward's voice reading.

"And at night you will look up at the stars. Where I live everything is so small that I cannot show you where my star is to be found. It is better, like that. My star will just be one of the stars, for you. And so you will love to watch all the stars in the heavens... they will all be your friends. And, besides, I am going to make you a present..."

He laughed again.

"Ah, little prince, dear little prince! I love to hear that laughter!"

"That is my present. Just that. It will be as it was when we drank the water..."

"What are you trying to say?"

"All men have the stars," he answered, "but they are not the same things for different people. For some, who are travelers, the stars are guides. For others they are no more than little lights in the sky. For others, who are scholars, they are problems. For my businessman they were wealth. But all these stars are silent. You-- you alone-- will have the stars as no one else has them--"

"What are you trying to say?"

"In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night... you-- only you-- will have stars that can laugh!"

And he laughed again.

"And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me. You will always be my friend. You will want to laugh with me. And you will sometimes open your window, so, for that pleasure... and your friends will be properly astonished to see you laughing as you look up at the sky! Then you will say to them, 'Yes, the stars always make me laugh!' And they will think you are crazy. It will be a very shabby trick that I shall have played on you..."

And he laughed again.

"It will be as if, in place of the stars, I had given you a great number of little bells that knew how to laugh..."

And he laughed again. Then he quickly became serious:

"Tonight-- you know... do not come," said the little prince.

"I shall not leave you," I said.

"I shall look as if I were suffering. I shall look a little as if I were dying. It is like that. Do not come to see that. It is not worth the trouble..."

"I shall not leave you."

But he was worried.

"I tell you-- it is also because of the snake. He must not bite you. Snakes-- they are malicious creatures. This one might bite you just for fun..."

"I shall not leave you."

But a thought came to reassure him:

"It is true that they have no more poison for a second bite."

It was almost a week to the day when Carlisle called Charlie with the results. He asked that we come in to see him. Charlie scheduled the appointment for the following morning. I would miss school and field days. We only had a week left before summer vacation. This weekend was the joint birthday party for Alice, Edward and I. I never understood why they did it that way my birthday was in September, but Charlie said that Esme wouldn't have it any other way so he didn't argue. I guess Charlie and Renee were never big on their own birthdays so they agreed to let Esme have her fun from the moment the twins second birthday rolled around.

We met Carlisle in the waiting room of his office. He led us into his office and closed the door. I got nervous, and as they talked I got lost in the words. Bone marrow. Blasts. Anemia. Bruises. Spinal Tap. I heard but I didn't understand. Carlisle used them and Charlie just nodded his head. At the end of it, Carlisle looked to me while Charlie held my hand.

"Isabella, I need to do one more test to check things before I can confirm everything. I wish I didn't have to, but I need to know," he paused trying to find the right words. I finished it for him because I might not have understood the words but I understood Charlie's reaction.

"You need to know how sick I am. Okay Dr. Carlisle. Can you do me a favor though?" I asked afraid of what would happen once I made my request. He nodded his head. "Can you not tell Edward, Alice or Emmett that I am sick? No matter if it is a cold or something. I don't want them to treat me like a baby. I don't like that." I hoped he understood. Every time I got hurt, or sick the three Cullen children treated me like I was a porcelain doll and I hated it.

Carlisle fought his chuckle. But then said "Isabella, at some point depending on things, they will find out. It is better that you tell them. But I will promise you this. Until we know for sure what we are dealing with and how best to treat it, mum's the word." He even followed through when I stuck out my pinkie, doing the same and shaking on the promise.

Carlisle had a nurse take me to a private room and prepare me for the test. I told her I hoped it wasn't hard, because I didn't like taking some of my tests in school because sometimes they were hard. She laughed a little and told me all I had to do was lie very still while Dr. Cullen "took some fluid from my spinal canal". I looked at her confused.

"My spine has a canal? Why didn't Ms. Davis tell us that in science? Wait until I tell Alice and Edward!" I was shocked and then I was a little mad when the nurse just laughed and called me cute. A little while later Dr. Cullen came in with Charlie. He made me lay on my side facing Charlie and told me to stay very still. I held Charlie's hand and tried very hard not to cry when Dr. Cullen stuck the needle in my back.

**(End of Bella's Flashback)**

***EPOV***

As I sat in my room and looked over the work that I would have to do for this class. It was hard not to get upset. I called my father and told him about it.

"I'm going to have to write an obituary and a eulogy for her dad." I explained. He was quiet as he listened to my concerns. And then posed the idea that I knew as a doctor but didn't want to face as a man.

"Edward, son, one day you will have to help your siblings write my obituary and your mother's. You may have to give a eulogy. Does it matter that you know her or not? From the moment you were born, you have slowly begun to die. It is inevitable that you will have to face the death of a patient, and some day a loved one. At this moment you know that it isn't a real thing. Bella is not dead. For all we know she is still in remission and completely healthy."

When the conversation was over I thought back on the day that I found out that Bella was ill. It was the day of our eighth birthday party. My dad received a call from the hospital. Went into his office to talk on the phone. Bella and her father arrived a little while later. My dad came out of his office and asked them to come in. Alice and I were restless for the party to begin but mom kept us busy and away from the office. Looking back on it now, it was clear that she knew. I became irritated that Bella had not come out as the party began.

**(Flash back)**

I went looking for her, and heard the voices in the office. I had learned over the years that when the door was closed we were not to disturb my father. I put my ear to the crack between the door and the floor and listened.

"Charlie we will have to start treatment immediately if we want her to have a good chance at maintenance. The outlook for diagnosing the leukemia at this stage is good, so long as we treat it right. I'm going to warn you though. Some treatments might make her sick; it might seem that she was better off before them. But in the long term it will up her survival rate." I didn't understand why he was telling this to Chief Swan, who were they talking about? And then Bella spoke.

"I still don't want them to know. Especially not Edward. You promised Dr. Cullen. No one finds out until I tell them." She sounded more grown up than she had when she arrived an hour ago. "Also, if anything does make me sicker. I don't want them around. I don't care if they get mad at me. I saw a TV show about this. The girl got very sick and people treated her different. I don't want that. I'd rather not have friends than be treated like a freak because I'm sick."

All I truly understood at that time was that Bella didn't want to be friends with me anymore. I became angry, with her, with my father for agreeing to keep secrets, and with myself. If I had kept her from falling and breaking her wrist this wouldn't have happened. I refused to talk to her when she finally emerged with both her father and mine. Both men looked lost. My mother put on her best smile and the party was under way with five people aware that everything was not as it seemed.

**(End of Flashback)**

After that day I refused to spend time with Bella. I would hurt her before she hurt me. I never finished the book The Little Prince. And I loved her from afar. I watched her go through treatments without telling us what was happening. I watched her suffer, and try to hide it. I watched her go into remission and had nightmares of what would happen when she relapsed. The day that hurt the most was when Alice came home one night from Bella's sobbing. I assumed they got into a fight about something. We were 16 at the time, it was bound to happen. I found my sister crying into Emmett's shoulder, and asked what the drama was about.

"Bella has leukemia. She has to go into the hospital for some kind of bone marrow transfusion. She's been doing other treatments but they aren't helping." Alice sobbed harder.

"She told us this afternoon about it. Alice found her in the girl's locker room after gym. She had passed out. I helped her get Bella to the nurse. Mrs. Cupp let slip by accident that Bella hadn't taken her meds that day. Alice told her that Bella didn't take any medication and then Mrs. Cupp without thinking said that it was for the side effects of the chemo. Ali and I brought her home and she told us about her leukemia." Emmett was upset but handling the news better than Alice. I shrugged and faked my usual indifference of all things Bella related. I was sure that I would hear about it later from either mom or dad. But it wouldn't matter. She still had not told me, and it all but enraged me.

I was hurt; yes I had known for years, I studied everything about it once I knew what it was. I had had conversations with my father about it. I planned on attending medical school to become a doctor to help others survive with it. Yet here I was the only one who she had not told, but why had she never told me? I became angry. Hurt again like that little eight year old boy. I spent the next two years further removed from her, or so it felt. It took everything I had not to punch Mike Newton or do worse when he had the nerve to ask her to the prom. I had to contain myself when she showed up with a date. Alice said his name was Jacob and he lived down by La Push. I hated him. I hated watching him dance with her, hold her, care about her the way I wanted to but wouldn't allow myself to. She didn't care about me, so why should I care about her?

Yet here I was so many years later, still in love with the girl next door only she didn't know it and I would never tell her. I stared at the copy of The Little Prince my mother had given me on my eighth birthday. She must have thought I would finish it someday since she continued to pack it with my things each year for school. One day, maybe. I sat there looking at the damn packet. Opened my laptop and sat down to answer all the questions as best I could. I was distracted by thoughts of Bella as I worked so I took a chance and picked up my phone. Calling her just yet didn't seem right. I worked out a plan and began composing an email. But settled for a simple line from that damn book. I titled the email Matters of Consequence

"If someone loves a flower, of which just one single blossom grows in all the millions and millions of stars, it is enough to make him happy just to look at the stars. He can say to himself, 'Somewhere, my flower is there...' But if the sheep eats the flower, in one moment all his stars will be darkened... And you think that is not important!"

Then I sent her a text.

**Check your email.**

_**You're done already?!**_

**No I'm working on it, but I sent you something else.** It took all of three minutes before my phone chirped telling me I had a message.

_**Did you send me a line from The Little Prince? I thought you hated that book?**_

**I changed my mind. **

_**Ooookay?**_

**You still never finished reading me the last chapter. I think you owe me.**

_**Who are you and what have you done with Edward Cullen?**_

**I'm here always have been. **

_**Yeah, always…**_

**How come I'm the only one you never told?**

_**Never told what?**_

**Never mind, just forget I asked. I'll get over it.**

_**Cullen what are you talking about?**_

I did not know how to answer her. So I began working on the packet or questions. Maybe through that I could give her the answer she deserved.

**Authentic Self Questions**

1. If I knew failure was impossible, what would I want?  
2. If I knew success was guaranteed, what would I do  
3. For me to authentically live my life what would be the first change I would make?  
4. Is what I am thinking true?  
5. Is what I am thinking about this situation aligned with my core beliefs?

**Personal Questions**

1. How do you define honesty?

2. What is your biggest fear or worry?

3. What is the main thing that makes you unique?

4. If you had to evacuate your house immediately, what is the one thing you would grab on the way out?

5. What facial expression or movement do you do when you are lying?

6. What is the oldest item you own?

7. If someone was to give you one gift, money is no object, what would you want to receive?

8. What does it mean to have courage?

9. Do you like your name?

10. Do you have a nickname? What is it?

11. If you could have any special magic, what would it be?

12. If you had three wishes, what would you wish?

13. What is your greatest strength?

14. What is your worst weakness?

15. If you could predict the future, what would you do with that knowledge?

16. Is your favorite time the past, present or the future?

17. Where do you see yourself in 20 years?

18. Who is the one person that helped to make you who you are today?

19. If you were punished for a crime, what type of punishment would you choose?

20. Describe a time you got into trouble.

21. What do you do when you first wake up in the morning?

22. What makes you a good person?

23. What would your obituary say?

24. What is your greatest regret?

25. How would you describe standing on a beach looking at the ocean?

26. What is your favorite outfit to wear?

27. What do you do when you are driving alone in a car?

**Love and Friendship Questions**

28. If a friend is being bullied or harassed by someone, what do you do?

29. Reflect on the characteristics of your best friend. What makes him or her so special?

30. Has anyone close to you passed away?

31. Describe a time you fell in love.

32. Can you keep secrets? Describe a time you didn't.

33. How do you show your love for others?

34. What is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you?

35. If you could become anyone's friend that you want, who would you choose?

36. Are you the type of person with lots of friends or just a few close ones?

37. What is one quality you admire most in others?

38. Do you prefer to be with those who are younger or older than you are?

39. If you could ask me one question, and I had to answer you truthfully, what would you want to know?

40. What is the meanest thing you have ever done to someone?

41. Who is one friend from your past you want to reconnect with?

42. When did you kiss for the first time and what was it like?

43. Describe an activity that you think is truly romantic.

44. If you were to write a love note to your sweetheart, what would it say?

45. When you are in trouble, whom do you call for help?

46. Who are the people you love the most?

**Worldly Questions**

47. If you could speak any language, what would it be and why?

48. If you had to pick one place in your town to bring a tourist, where would you go?

49. What is the one cause that you feel most passionate about?

50. If you lived in the pioneer days, would you have traveled west or stayed put in the east?

51. Which is your favorite non-profit organization? What do you do to help them?

52. If you could travel to space, would you go?

53. If you could move anywhere, where would you go and why?

54. Would you want to travel the world on a boat in the sea?

55. When you travel away from home, do you miss it?

56. What is the greatest crisis we face as a world?

57. Describe your favorite vacation.

58. If you could write your own bill of rights, what would you include?

59. What is going on today in the world that affects you the most?

**Health Questions**

60. What bad habit would you be willing to give up if it guaranteed you would live to be 100?

61. What is your favorite thing to eat?

62. What is one food that you will not eat?

63. What is your favorite way to exercise?

64. If you had to choose to be blind or deaf, which one would you pick?

65. Have you ever been to a hospital? Why?

66. If you could have someone else's face, whom would you choose?

67. Describe a vivid dream you have had.

68. What physical feature do you least like about yourself?

69. Would you want to know the exact day of your death?

**Work and Career Questions**

70. If you had to pick one hero, who would it be?

71. If you could pick one thing to change about your school or job, what would it be?

72. What are most proud of?

73. Are you the kind of person who wants to be the big fish in a little pond or the little fish in the big pond?

74. Describe a time when you wanted to quit, but didn't.

75. Mention one goal. When you hope to accomplish it?

76. Is competition good for you?

77. If you could study anything you wanted in school, what would you want to learn more about?

78. What is something you learned in school that you think is useless to you today?

79. When someone fails at something, what should he or she do?

80. If you could pick any career, what would you want to be?

81. Do you want to be famous?

**Entertainment Questions**

82. If you could become a character in a TV show or movie, who would you chose to be?

83. What is your favorite outside activity?

84. What is your favorite holiday and how do you celebrate it?

85. What is your favorite sport? Do you play or just watch?

86. Have you been on a roller coaster? What did it feel like?

87. If you had to spend a day not using any technology, what would you do?

88. Describe the perfect party.

89. What is your favorite type of art?

90. What sport do you think you are the best at?

91. Do you play an instrument?

92. Which is your favorite song?

93. If you could be a cartoon character, who would you want to be?

94. Do you know any jokes? If so, tell me one.

95. What is the one thing that makes you laugh the hardest?

**Family Questions**

96. What makes your family unique from others?

97. When you think back to your childhood, what was the hardest part about being a kid?

98. What are some of your family's traditions?

99. Do you know how you got your name?

100. Are you like your parents or different? How?

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**Please review...The next chapter will make up for the depressing back story. Who knows maybe things will start to heat up between them...I need reviews to feel motivated to make that happen. I may also give some answers to the questions from EPOV, to get the ball rolling for conversation that needs to happen between the two of them. **

**The Little Prince was written and illustrated by Antoine de Saint Exupéry in 1939. It is a wonderful story if you haven't read it. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe was written by C.S. Lewis. **


	4. 100 and 5 responses

***EPOV***

I did not know how to answer her. So I began working on the packet or questions. Maybe through that I could give her the answer she deserved.

I began to answer the questions with the need to both get it done and to help Bella understand what I was talking about. Maybe to even help myself understand what I was talking about. I knew my father was right, and I had to look at things as if she was healthy. My mood lightened more and I settled down to work out the answers in an email to her.

**Authentic Self Questions**

1. If I knew failure was impossible, what would I want? _I would want two things, to be a doctor who makes a difference in finding the cure for many diseases and I would also like to marry the girl of my dreams and spend the rest of eternity with her. But that's if failure was impossible…life isn't always so kind.  
_2. If I knew success was guaranteed, what would I do? _I would make it so no child got life threatening illnesses. They deserve to be children and live life before they have to face their mortality.  
_3. For me to authentically live my life what would be the first change I would make? _Face my fears in life and walk boldly through them and just do what feels right to me.  
_4. Is what I am thinking true? _Very. I have held on to certain fears for years even though they are quite stupid. And I have hurt people by doing that._  
5. Is what I am thinking about this situation aligned with my core beliefs? _I think it is. I hope it is. I just don't know how to explain it._

**Personal Questions**

1. How do you define honesty? _I define it as the ability to tell someone, anyone the truth in any situation. Even if it might not be what they want to hear. It is better to hear the truth than live with an assumed truth which can hurt more. _

2. What is your biggest fear or worry? _Losing those close to me without them knowing how much I truly care about them. I have made a mess of one important relationship; I hope to never do that again. _

3. What is the main thing that makes you unique? _My sister Mary Alice would tell me it was my twin, because she is just that. But I think it is my protective nature for those I love. Though sometimes it doesn't help me at all. _

4. If you had to evacuate your house immediately, what is the one thing you would grab on the way out? _Well that depended, if I was living alone or not. If I was alone, I have a photo album that I take everywhere with me. My mother gave it to me when I before leaving for school four years ago, it holds all my memories growing up. If I lived with my family, they are what I would get out. I would find a way to get my whole family out. Material items can be replaced, for the most part._

5. What facial expression or movement do you do when you are lying? _Um, I don't know that I want to reveal this one…I tend to scrunch my forehead without thinking about it. Alice calls it the pain face, because I apparently look like I am in pain. But that is when I am telling a huge lie that people should know better than to believe. Other than that I've got a pretty good poker face._

6. What is the oldest item you own? _A blue care bear, my mother gave my sister, myself and our best friend these when we were very young as a birthday gift. Much like my photo album it goes everywhere with me when I travel. _

7. If someone was to give you one gift, money is no object, what would you want to receive? _The gift I want doesn't have a price value on it. It is the heart of the one person I don't deserve to have._

8. What does it mean to have courage? _I think of the cowardly lion, courage is getting past the things you fear and realizing they weren't quite so scary at all. _

9. Do you like your name? _Why wouldn't I? I might not have chosen it but it is part of who I am._

10. Do you have a nickname? What is it? _NO! People have tried to give me one, but I hate it so I refuse to be called by it._

11. If you could have any special magic, what would it be? _That old black magic…truly I would want the power to heal, by whatever means. _

12. If you had three wishes, what would you wish? _1-To make you see. 2-To make you understand. 3-To make you believe._

13. What is your greatest strength? _My love for all those important to my life._

14. What is your worst weakness? _The one person I haven't allowed in my life._

15. If you could predict the future, what would you do with that knowledge? _I would make sure that every day was spent in happiness and love, I might try to change the outcome, but if I couldn't I would make sure every day was lived to its fullest._

16. Is your favorite time the past, present or the future? _The present, it is my one chance to get things right._

17. Where do you see yourself in 20 years? _Practicing my specialty in a hospital, making a difference in my patients lives and living the life I have dreamed of with my family._

18. Who is the one person that helped to make you who you are today? _If I said it was you, would you believe me?_

19. If you were punished for a crime, what type of punishment would you choose? _It depended on the crime. Was it something stupid, or was it something done to protect my loved ones? Jail me if I need to be, but if someone hurt a person I loved, then you better kill me to make sure I don't kill them. _

20. Describe a time you got into trouble. _Oh boy, well I never managed to get caught by the local sheriff for my antics but I did manage to get in trouble with my parents many times. There was one time when I called someone the B word out of anger and my mother was so furious with me that she literally washed my mouth out. Stuck a bar of soap in my mouth when I wasn't expecting it. My father had a field day with me when he heard about what happened so I wish the soap had been the end of it._

21. What do you do when you first wake up in the morning? _I picture I smile at…oh man I am so lame._

22. What makes you a good person? _I don't always think I am a good person. I have hurt people in the past that didn't deserve it; I plan to make up for it for the rest of my life._

23. What would your obituary say? _Aren't you supposed to write it? I just hope it says he was a loving son, brother, friend (and one day husband and father)._

24. What is your greatest regret? _Not taking the time to understand a situation first and then acting upon my hurt for so many years._

25. How would you describe standing on a beach looking at the ocean? _It reminds me of how small I truly am. It is like looking at the stars sometimes too. _

26. What is your favorite outfit to wear? _Alice would kill me if she knew this. My favorite pair of jeans and a graphic t-shirt. I just want to relax when I am not in scrubs at the hospital. But Alice would prefer that the whole family be in style. _

27. What do you do when you are driving alone in a car? _I turn up the music and drive fast!_

**Love and Friendship Questions**

28. If a friend is being bullied or harassed by someone, what do you do? _The person who hurt them would be toast. I know it isn't any better, but I refuse to sit back while a loved one was being hurt like that._

29. Reflect on the characteristics of your best friend. What makes him or her so special? _Both are smart, funny and know me better than I know myself sometimes. They call me out on my bullshit too. _

30. Has anyone close to you passed away? _No, that is why my father is pressing that I do this, because one day I will loss someone I love._

31. Describe a time you fell in love. _Oh man. I saw her and went right over the cliff and never came back. I still love her. I will love her until my last breath._

32. Can you keep secrets? Describe a time you didn't. _I have kept many secrets. I'm letting some out right now…can you tell?_

33. How do you show your love for others? _I try to protect them with the best of my abilities, sometimes I can't and they get hurt anyways._

34. What is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you? _I knew a girl once, who even when I didn't deserve it defended me against a rumor that was being spread about me. She put an end to it, and never told me that it was her who made it happen. I never got the chance to say Thank You._

35. If you could become anyone's friend that you want, who would you choose? _Hi want to be friends?_

36. Are you the type of person with lots of friends or just a few close ones? _I believe in quality over quantity. _

37. What is one quality you admire most in others? _A kind heart_.

38. Do you prefer to be with those who are younger or older than you are? _My circle of friends varies though with the exception of one most are older than I am._

39. If you could ask me one question, and I had to answer you truthfully, what would you want to know? _Okay…please don't get mad at me for this. Why didn't you tell me about being sick? Why did everyone else know, having heard it from you, but you never wanted me to know?_

40. What is the meanest thing you have ever done to someone? _I stopped talking to my best friend._

41. Who is one friend from your past you want to reconnect with? _You…if you will forgive me. _

42. When did you kiss for the first time and what was it like? _I was twelve and hopelessly in love with the girl next door. My sister and I had a sleep over with several friends and she insisted we play spin the bottle. I pretended to be angry about it, but it was the best kiss I have ever had to this very day. _

43. Describe an activity that you think is truly romantic. _Hmm…I think I would consider spending the day in the presence of the person I loved pretty nice. I do realize that romance often means showing love in a way that no one else would. I would probably play the composition I wrote for her. _

44. If you were to write a love note to your sweetheart, what would it say? _I am sorry I wasted so much time; I can only hope that you can give me a chance that I don't deserve._

45. When you are in trouble, whom do you call for help? _I call Alice or Emmett. They usually give it to me straight so that I find a way to get my head out of my ass._

46. Who are the people you love the most? _My parents, my sister and brother. My friends Jasper and his sister Rosalie (she is engaged to Emmett) and Isabella Swan._

**Worldly Questions**

47. If you could speak any language, what would it be and why? _French, so that I could impress you with my romantic skills._

48. If you had to pick one place in your town to bring a tourist, where would you go? _I have two places that are special, but to bring a tourist…First Beach down at LaPush_

49. What is the one cause that you feel most passionate about? _Research for childhood cancer. _

50. If you lived in the pioneer days, would you have traveled west or stayed put in the east? _I have now lived on both coasts; they are the same so it wouldn't have mattered._

51. Which is your favorite non-profit organization? What do you do to help them? _Camp Good Days…I'm a volunteer at the summer camp._

52. If you could travel to space, would you go?_ Pluto…I don't really have a reason._

53. If you could move anywhere, where would you go and why? _I would go where ever you are. I already have. _

54. Would you want to travel the world on a boat in the sea? _Only if you were with me._

55. When you travel away from home, do you miss it? _Yes, it is where my family is. _

56. What is the greatest crisis we face as a world? _Ignorance_

57. Describe your favorite vacation. _Two weeks at the cabin every summer._

58. If you could write your own bill of rights, what would you include? _The right to be a jackass and be forgiven._

59. What is going on today in the world that affects you the most? _The increase of diseases that we don't have cures for yet._

**Health Questions**

60. What bad habit would you be willing to give up if it guaranteed you would live to be 100? _My insomnia_

61. What is your favorite thing to eat? _Mushroom Ravioli _

62. What is one food that you will not eat? _I eat whatever is in front of me, if I don't Emmett will._

63. What is your favorite way to exercise? _I run along the canal every day. _

64. If you had to choose to be blind or deaf, which one would you pick? _Blind, I would be lost without the sound of laughter. I could visualize things in my mind but I wouldn't be able to hear them the same way._

65. Have you ever been to a hospital? Why? _Yes because my father works there, and you made so many trips there over the years. Now I plan to work in one._

66. If you could have someone else's face, whom would you choose? _The guy from those Twilight movies, every girl I have met loves him. _

67. Describe a vivid dream you have had. _Umm…maybe another time. _

68. What physical feature do you least like about yourself? _My hair…as girly as this sounds I can never do anything with it._

69. Would you want to know the exact day of your death? _No, this way I am forced to live each day to the fullest…I like the quote "You exist, but do you live?"_

**Work and Career Questions**

70. If you had to pick one hero, who would it be? _My father, he is loyal and very courageous if you ask me._

71. If you could pick one thing to change about your school or job, what would it be? _That there would be no need for it._

72. What are most proud of? _Making it this far._

73. Are you the kind of person who wants to be the big fish in a little pond or the little fish in the big pond? _I want to make a difference to someone; I don't see a need to be a big or little fish. _

74. Describe a time when you wanted to quit, but didn't. _Uh, there are too many to count. Your face after a round with treatment usually flashed in my head and forced me to keep going. If you could be strong while facing that, then so can I._

75. Mention one goal. When you hope to accomplish it? _To finish med school, I have a few more years left. But I am on my way!_

76. Is competition good for you? _Yeah, without a doubt. Every bone in my body is competitive._

77. If you could study anything you wanted in school, what would you want to learn more about? _This is going to sound silly, but Jasper got me into the Civil War, I want to know more about it, maybe go to some of those places._

78. What is something you learned in school that you think is useless to you today? _Home Ec. My mother insisted I would need to learn it because I would use it. I never have. _

79. When someone fails at something, what should he or she do? _Keep trying._

80. If you could pick any career, what would you want to be? _Pediatric Oncologist_

81. Do you want to be famous? _No, I just want to be loved._

**Entertainment Questions**

82. If you could become a character in a TV show or movie, who would you chose to be? _I want to be Dr. Cox from Scrubs!_

83. What is your favorite outside activity? _Hiking woods and parks near home._

84. What is your favorite holiday and how do you celebrate it? _Fourth of July, we do a big picnic it gets a little crazy some times._

85. What is your favorite sport? Do you play or just watch? _Baseball…I play and watch._

86. Have you been on a roller coaster? What did it feel like? _Yes, it was a rush._

87. If you had to spend a day not using any technology, what would you do? _I need my technology, but if I had to go without. I read or play piano until it was dark, and then I would do it by candle light._

88. Describe the perfect party. _You are there with me_.

89. What is your favorite type of art? _Paintings_

90. What sport do you think you are the best at? _Didn't we cover that already?_

91. Do you play an instrument? _The piano, preferably the grand piano in my parents' home_

92. Which is your favorite song? _You want me to choose from over 3,000 songs for one?_

93. If you could be a cartoon character, who would you want to be? _I want to be a super hero…Wolverine is always kicking someone's ass. Too bad there isn't a character that lives forever like a vampire; that would be cool. _

94. Do you know any jokes? If so, tell me one. _How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it! Sorry lame, one of the kids told me that this past summer._

95. What is the one thing that makes you laugh the hardest? _Emmett trying to be witty!_

**Family Questions**

96. What makes your family unique from others? _How ridiculously close we are to each other. My father could probably tell you all of my answers without ever seeing this. My mother can tell by the time of day I call if something is wrong. My sister knows all the answers to my problems and what is going to happen before I do. And my brother, he is unlike anyone I have ever met. Emmett looks like a grizzly but is more like a plush Pooh bear, unless you wrong someone he cares about. _

97. When you think back to your childhood, what was the hardest part about being a kid? _Not knowing then what I know now. _

98. What are some of your family's traditions? _Well there is all the usual holiday stuff, but we always make time to be together. _

99. Do you know how you got your name? _I don't really know. I wasn't there when they choose it. I think my mom said it had something to do with a patient of my father's during his first year of residency._

100. Are you like your parents or different? How? _My mother would tell you I am the best of both of them. I do think I am like them especially my father, I think the fact that I want to be a doctor is proof of that. And I love like my mother; she is true in her heart and has always taught me to be the same way. I just have been late on admitting to my heart that it deserves the shot at what it wants_.

I finished the email by asking her if she was busy the following evening, and wanted to know if she wanted to grab coffee or something at the Starbucks that was between the two campuses. I hoped she would consider, since I wouldn't see her until Wednesday. After sending the email I looked through the photo album I had of our childhood. It pained me to see the pictures of her when we were ten and eleven. She had been going through treatments. She tried to hide out most of that summer, not wanting us to see her as her hair thinned and then fell out. Charlie with the help of my mom bought her a wig that looked very real. I remember climbing up the tree just outside her window, hoping to get her to come out and play with us. What I saw was her reacting to her treatment and my mother trying to help her as she got sick. The window was open and I heard Bella crying.

"He hates me Esme. He hates me because I'm a freak now. I wish I had never gotten sick. No I wish I would just die so that he would stop hating me!" Her sobs were so intense. My mother's eyes sparkled with tears. I had caused this in her. But I didn't understand why it mattered to her; she had chosen to end our friendship instead of telling me what was going on. She didn't want my pity so I never gave it to her.

As I continued to flip through the book I saw various pictures of us. There were always those that gave away our true feelings. Ones of Bella looking at me when I didn't know, and me watching her. I thought of all the "flower sale days" that I sent anonymous bunches of carnations and roses to her. I was on the committee that ran it, so all I had to do was make sure the order was there with her name on it and the money was in the till. The worst part of those days was listening to the speculation of who they were from, and even having random guys who were interested in her take the credit. All I wanted to do was walk up to her, wrap her in my arms and tell her that I had loved her for so long.

I looked at the pictures from our prom. She had gone with a guy named Jacob that she knew from La Push. All I knew was that I hated him for getting to hold her while they danced. I also remembered when he tried to push her too far that night. And I heard her crying in her room. Alice comforted her after it happened; I sat outside her window while she cried herself to sleep. Once she was asleep I climbed in and sat in her old rocking chair humming all her favorite songs until Charlie came home. Once I heard him unlock the front door, I slipped back out the window and to my own home. It was that night of watching over her and fighting to kill that mutt, which was the night that made me decide to go to UR for Med School.

I sat and started at my computer the rest of the night. Waiting for a yes or a no, anything. After what felt like hours I gave up. She wasn't going to respond tonight. I closed up my laptop and flopped on the bed. I managed to dose off for a little while only to find when I got up around 2 am that I had a text from her.

**I sent you my responses. I have an appointment at 4pm, does 6pm work for you?**

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Next chapter...Bella's repsonses, and her reaction to his responses. And their actual meeting. Please review...thank you teambellaedward! You get to be a part of the story now...anyone else interested? It's my bribe for a review...press that green button down there and get a walk on role in the store,


	5. Confessions over coffee

**Sorry that it took so long to post...life gets in the way. As a thank you to Lexie2516 and teambellaedward for your reviews you have made into the story. :) **

**As you already know I don't own Twilight or the rights to the characters. **

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***BPOV***

I sat there staring at the computer screen trying to figure out how to answer the questions. I had read and reread them several times while listening to Angela make plans with Ben. I struggled as to how serious I should answer some of the questions. And then around 8 o'clock my email chimed alerting me that there was new mail in my inbox. I pulled the screen up and there were Edward's responses. I figured reading them would help. I ended being twice as confused. He asked me to meet him for coffee the following evening. I looked at my calendar and saw that I would be around the corner at the hospital for an appointment. Wrote my responses to the questions and after I sent it I asked Angela if I should meet him for coffee. She smiled and I sent him a text and prayed he would be asleep and not respond. I stared again at the questions I had answered.

**Authentic Self Questions**

1. If I knew failure was impossible, what would I want? _I would want three things, to teach until the day I take my last breath, to see the cure for many diseases, and finally to "find a love even time will lay down and be still for…" sorry cheesy movie quote  
_2. If I knew success was guaranteed, what would I do? _I would work straight on to get my Masters and PhD they are on my to do list actually I think if I knew I could I would do all the things on my list.  
_3. For me to authentically live my life what would be the first change I would make? _Face my fears in life and walk boldly through them and just do what feels right to me. I like that answer I think I will steal it! Oh but then am I being authentic?  
_4. Is what I am thinking true? _Yes, I have been afraid of so many things, I have almost lost some very important friendships because of them. I tend to run away when my fears when they start to overwhelm me. _  
5. Is what I am thinking about this situation aligned with my core beliefs? _I have no idea, I have never given all of this quite so much thought. _

**Personal Questions**

1. How do you define honesty? _I define honesty as a refusal to lie cheat or steal in any way. Fairness and straightforwardness of conduct and an adherence to facts. Okay so Webster's dictionary helped me out a bit, but at least I am being honest!_

2. What is your biggest fear or worry? _Being alone, but not it the sense of spending time alone, the sense of no one knowing who I truly am and no one caring. _

3. What is the main thing that makes you unique? _I don't know that I am unique, I guess my friends are what make me unique because they are so different. _

4. If you had to evacuate your house immediately, what is the one thing you would grab on the way out? _Well seeing as how my father is the chief of police in my home town and the most over protective and cautious man alive there would probably be no need to evacuate, but if I had to well I'm torn I have first edition books that I have collected, and photos that could never be replaced. I think if I had to grab something I would grab my bag, because it has my favorite book and my camera, and about 20 memory cards or so in it and my laptop is always in the bag if I'm not using it at the moment, that way my memories would all be saved. Anything else can be replaced, I guess. _

5. What facial expression or movement do you do when you are lying? _I am a horrible liar. My father has informed me that if he were to intrigate me for anything all he would have to do is watch for the "yoke" apparently when I try to lie my neck gets red. I don't get caught red handed I get caught red necked…_

6. What is the oldest item you own? _A blanket that my mom made for me when she was pregnant with me, the second oldest is a yellow care bear that my second mom gave me when I was three or four. _

7. If someone was to give you one gift, money is no object, what would you want to receive? _The gift I want doesn't have a price value on it. It is the heart of the one person I don't have the courage to tell my feelings to. _

8. What does it mean to have courage? _I think courage is not in the act of not falling, because I do that quite frequently, but in getting up and trying again. I don't have a whole lot of courage though._

9. Do you like your name? _My full name has always sounded so formal, I prefer the nicknames I have been given over the years by friends and family. They are more like me than my full name. _

10. Do you have a nickname? What is it? _Yes! As I mentioned my full name sounds too graceful and formal, I prefer Bella for short, my dad and some close friends call me Bells. _

11. If you could have any special magic, what would it be? _The power to change the past, if I could go back in time and change some things I bet my life would be completely different._

12. If you had three wishes, what would you wish? _1-That I never had to go to the hospital for anything ever again 2-To have all my "family" together all the time 3-To get past the past, if that makes sense._

13. What is your greatest strength? _My need to care for those in my life._

14. What is your worst weakness? _My need to have the approval of the one person who won't give it to me._

15. If you could predict the future, what would you do with that knowledge? _I would make the best of it. There is no sense in trying to change things, what will be will be. _

16. Is your favorite time the past, present or the future? _The present, things are finally simple again, or at least they have been until recently. _

17. Where do you see yourself in 20 years? _I try not to make serious long term plans, because you never know what curve ball life is going to throw at you._

18. Who is the one person that helped to make you who you are today? _My father has been very strong and supportive, he taught me that I can take on anything and anyone, well almost._

19. If you were punished for a crime, what type of punishment would you choose? _The police chief's daughter better not be committing any punishable crimes! Or if I do, please just don't tell my dad. That would be the worst punishment ever given. _

20. Describe a time you got into trouble. _Um, police chief's daughter…I have been taught since the womb to not get in trouble. Although there was this time when I got caught sneaking out at 10 o'clock to have a late night pow-wow with the neighbor, I was grounded for a week. I was seven and a half at the time. _

21. What do you do when you first wake up in the morning? _Usually roll over and wish that I could go back to sleep. _

22. What makes you a good person? _Is that really a question for me to answer? Shouldn't people who think you are a good person have to answer that? I guess maybe the way I care about my friends, that I seem to always put other people's needs first, even if they don't know that I am doing that._

23. What would your obituary say? _Again is that really a question for me? Um, I hope it would say something like "She didn't just exist, she lived" or whatever my family came up with._

24. What is your greatest regret? _Not facing my fears…_

25. How would you describe standing on a beach looking at the ocean? _Breath- taking. I can imagine La Push at sunset; there are few things more beautiful than that view. _

26. What is your favorite outfit to wear? _Alice too would kill me if she knew this. My favorite pair of jeans and a pull-over hoodie. I have never enjoyed Bella Barbie, but it makes her happy so I go along with the dress up and makeovers. _

27. What do you do when you are driving alone in a car? _I sing along to the music even if I don't know the words! I can't drive fast, trained not to remember?_

**Love and Friendship Questions**

28. If a friend is being bullied or harassed by someone, what do you do? _I'd like to say I would take the higher road and be the bigger person, but honestly I would want to kick their butt, and I would probably tell my father._

29. Reflect on the characteristics of your best friend. What makes him or her so special? _I miss Ali so much, Angela has been a great roommate and almost knows me as well as Ali does. They are both smart and caring and give it to you like it is no nonsense. _

30. Has anyone close to you passed away? _I have lost grandparents when I was younger, and I have lost "friends" you could say. It isn't something I want to really get into with this whole thing. _

31. Describe a time you fell in love. _I'm not sure I want to go into this either. He was my best friend, there has never been anyone else like him in the world. I sadly measure others against him which isn't fair to them or me. Because the moment I realized I was in love with him was the same moment I knew he would never feel the same way about me. _

32. Can you keep secrets? Describe a time you didn't. _I am Fort Knox, just so long as no one is asking me to lie for them…I have keep all my own secrets until absolutely necessary for me to tell them. And usually something comes up where it is tell the secret or get caught lying. And I already said I was a bad liar. _

33. How do you show your love for others? _I always want to take care of them, sometimes my intentions are to take care or protect and it ends up backfiring, but their needs come first._

34. What is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you? _I was always the odd man out in school, my friends were always with someone, but someone I never found out who used to send me flowers at school. It was sweet, it made me feel a little less on the outside at those times._

35. If you could become anyone's friend that you want, who would you choose? _I would love to call Orlando Bloom my friend…Or Josh Hartnett_

36. Are you the type of person with lots of friends or just a few close ones? _I have a few close friends and that is how I like it._

37. What is one quality you admire most in others? _Passionate about their beliefs_

38. Do you prefer to be with those who are younger or older than you are? _Most of my friends are slightly older than I am, even if only by a matter of months_

39. If you could ask me one question, and I had to answer you truthfully, what would you want to know? _Why do you dislike me so much? We used to be close friends, but over the years you have been more of the arch nemesis, why?_

40. What is the meanest thing you have ever done to someone? _I told a person I hated them, but I didn't mean it. Not one bit. _

41. Who is one friend from your past you want to reconnect with? _I guess it would be you, kind of funny how this is all coming about isn't it. _

42. When did you kiss for the first time and what was it like? _I was eleven, he was my best friends twin. She had a sleepover and made everyone play spin the bottle. He was so angry about it. I haven't been kissed like that since then…pretty sad I know. _

43. Describe an activity that you think is truly romantic. _Totally cliché but I think curling up to watch a movie together is always romantic. That and being presented with flowers. _

44. If you were to write a love note to your sweetheart, what would it say? _Hypothetically of course, "I'm not afraid. When they ask me what I liked best, I'll tell them it was you."_

45. When you are in trouble, whom do you call for help? _I call 4 people, my mom, Ali, Ang (if she isn't right there with me) or my dad._

46. Who are the people you love the most? _My parents, and my small group of friends. _

**Worldly Questions**

47. If you could speak any language, what would it be and why? _Latin, it is the root of so many languages_

48. If you had to pick one place in your town to bring a tourist, where would you go? _La Push, there isn't much else to do in Forks._

49. What is the one cause that you feel most passionate about? _Research for childhood cancer. _

50. If you lived in the pioneer days, would you have traveled west or stayed put in the east? _I think I would travel west but stay in a state like Arizona where it doesn't rain or snow more months then there is sun_

51. Which is your favorite non-profit organization? What do you do to help them? _Camp Good Days…I'm a coordinator for an annual fundraiser._

52. If you could travel to space, would you go?_ Venus, just to see what it was like._

53. If you could move anywhere, where would you go and why? _I'm not sure, I have lived three places my whole life. _

54. Would you want to travel the world on a boat in the sea? _I've never thought about it, maybe. _

55. When you travel away from home, do you miss it? _Yes, it is where my family is. _

56. What is the greatest crisis we face as a world? _Indifference_

57. Describe your favorite vacation. _When my family would spend a week at your family's cabin in the summers._

58. If you could write your own bill of rights, what would you include? _The right to forgive._

59. What is going on today in the world that affects you the most? _The debate over stem cell research._

**Health Questions**

60. What bad habit would you be willing to give up if it guaranteed you would live to be 100? _My inability to take care of myself as well as I take care of ours. _

61. What is your favorite thing to eat? _Chicken French with a side of mushroom ravioli_

62. What is one food that you will not eat? _Anything my father refers to as something he cooked…_

63. What is your favorite way to exercise? _I run the perimeter of the campus every morning, I love going to the fitness room when there is no one else there, it is quiet and I can relax a bit. _

64. If you had to choose to be blind or deaf, which one would you pick? _I think I would rather be deaf. As much as I love the sound of music and the voices of everyone, I would be lost if I couldn't see them. To not see the colors of the sky as the sun rises and sets, to not see the brown of the earth, or the emerald green I love. No visual in my mind could ever compare to the real thing. _

65. Have you ever been to a hospital? Why? _Yes, I'm a catastrophe waiting to happen. I'm on a first name basis with ER nurses, doctors and other patients on both coasts. _

66. If you could have someone else's face, whom would you choose? _Liv Tyler I love how she looks in LotR…_

67. Describe a vivid dream you have had. _I don't have vivid dreams I have vivid nightmares and I prefer not to talk about them. _

68. What physical feature do you least like about yourself? _I'm ridiculously thin, and nothing I do changes it. I wish I was curvier. I know that sounds a bit backwards. _

69. Would you want to know the exact day of your death? _No, that's too much pressure. I don't even want a time frame. I think it is better to let what is going to happen, happen. _

**Work and Career Questions**

70. If you had to pick one hero, who would it be? _My father, Charlie has taught me so much and been a true rock in some hard times. I don't know what I would have done without him. _

71. If you could pick one thing to change about your school or job, what would it be? _I wish it was a little bigger, but not too big. I feel like I went from one small town to another since most everything is right on the campus. I would love to not have people know exactly where to find me if I'm not in my dorm room. _

72. What are most proud of? _Being a survivor, well at least so far, life is pretty rough no one gets out alive you know._

73. Are you the kind of person who wants to be the big fish in a little pond or the little fish in the big pond? _I think I would rather be a little fish, I'm not someone of major significance so why be a big fish. _

74. Describe a time when you wanted to quit, but didn't. _I have so many. Most recently would have been during our fundraiser last February, around hour 13 I was just so exhausted. Jeff and Teddi were with me and I just felt like I could make it. _

75. Mention one goal. When you hope to accomplish it? _To finish get my teaching certification, I should be all set come May. Fingers crossed!_

76. Is competition good for you? _Sometimes, but there are times when it has no benefit for me._

77. If you could study anything you wanted in school, what would you want to learn more about? _I love "Col." Shay, I have taken his course already…but I wish there was more to it, one semester of his class is not enough. Oh I forgot you don't know him. He teaches Civil War here…I could introduce you to him some time. _

78. What is something you learned in school that you think is useless to you today? _Choir, I remember having to take that as elective. No one listens to me when I sing, so why I had to learn to all the techniques those two years is beyond me. _

79. When someone fails at something, what should he or she do? _Be the little engine that could and say 'I think I can I think I can..."_

80. If you could pick any career, what would you want to be? _Elementary school teacher_

81. Do you want to be famous? _No, it isn't in me to be famous. I'd like to be important to someone, but I don't need fame. _

**Entertainment Questions**

82. If you could become a character in a TV show or movie, who would you chose to be? _One of the detectives from Law and Order! _

83. What is your favorite outside activity? _Just being in the sun with friends and family._

84. What is your favorite holiday and how do you celebrate it? _Christmas with Charlie, he tries so hard to make each one special. Something always goes wrong, but it is special because it is just the two of us. _

85. What is your favorite sport? Do you play or just watch? _Walking catastrophe remember, sports and I don't get along. Although I like to watch some sports if I have friends with me. Ali never let me miss a single soccer, football, basketball, hockey or baseball game throughout high school, you would have thought the games would happen if she wasn't there. _

86. Have you been on a roller coaster? What did it feel like? _No I'm terrified of them!_

87. If you had to spend a day not using any technology, what would you do? _I would read until the sun went down and then I would read by candle light._

88. Describe the perfect party. _I'm not a big partier, but so long as I had someone there with me, I think I could survive_.

89. What is your favorite type of art? _I like various paintings, but Degas' sculptures of the dancers and the paintings that go with them as well, those are my favorites_

90. What sport do you think you are the best at? _Accident waiting to happen, remember?_

91. Do you play an instrument? _No, I never really took one up, I was too busy listening to you play the piano to worry about wanting to do it myself._

92. Which is your favorite song? _At the moment the one I have listened to the most is Angel by Sarah McLaughlin_

93. If you could be a cartoon character, who would you want to be? _I want to be Mighty Mouse! _

94. Do you know any jokes? If so, tell me one. _What's your sign? Cancer. You're a cancer? No I'm a Libra but I have cancer…hahaha…okay not quite so funny_

95. What is the one thing that makes you laugh the hardest? _I laughed when I tried to imagine it…Emmett trying to be serious about something that he normally never would be!_

**Family Questions**

96. What makes your family unique from others? _How nontraditional it is, my mom is more of the child than I am, I take care of my dad because he would starve if not for me, and then there are the neighbors who are as much family to us as you can get. _

97. When you think back to your childhood, what was the hardest part about being a kid? _Being an old soul in a child's body._

98. What are some of your family's traditions? _We have a tradition of not having a lot of traditions, but we make do and enjoy our time together as much as we can._

99. Do you know how you got your name? _I think it had something to do with a book my mom read while she was pregnant with me or something like that._

100. Are you like your parents or different? How? _In some ways I am about as different as you can get from them, but in other ways I am very much like both of them. I just won't go telling them that. _

As I read the email I had received from Edward there was a pattern to his responses that was unnerving me. I didn't read all of them until after I had sent mine to him and I was getting nervous about agreeing to meet him for coffee tomorrow. It was apparent we had some things to discuss.

Angela had long since fallen asleep and I was still turning his comments over in my head. I had left my IM on with an away message, but shortly after I sent him the text agreeing to meet him my IM

**Lexie2516: What are you doing up at this hour?**

_**Bella0923: Working on an assignment for a class, how about you?**_

**Lexie2516: The usual**

_**Bella0923: Why am I not surprised?**_

**Lexie2516: Because you know me…so girlie you still lusting after that home town dream boy or have you moved on to real men?**

_**Bella0923: If you only knew the half of it! **_

**Lexie2516: Girl you forget, I do know half of it. Why don't you fill me in while I wait for the nurse to bring me my next round of meds. You get it off your chest and I'll live through you!**

I told Lexie about the events of the day, about seeing Edward and how we had reacted to each other. I read her some of his responses to the assignment. I could sense her laughing at me even when she didn't verbalize it.

**Lexie2516: Girl you need to go there and lay it all out. Tell that boy how you feel and don't leave that coffee shop until you know how he feels. Though from the sounds of it you have been just as thick as he has over the years. **

_**Bella0923: But what if I am misunderstanding his responses, what if, what if he doesn't mean any of it. **_

**Lexie2516: Would you please get your head out of your ass where you have seemed to have placed it. The next time I see you on here you better be telling me that I will being wearing a teambellaedward shirt or some shit like that! **

_**Bella0923: Lexie!**_

**Lexie2516: Alright, the master of my universe for the next few hours has arrived with my meds. Remember, lay all the cards out. And take a friggin' chance would you! For my sake at least. I'm stuck here you aren't. **

With that Lexie signed off. I felt bad that she was again in the hospital, but it was something we both understood as being a part of life as we both had known it. I sighed and shut my computer down. There was no point in trying to figure things out right now. Not by myself. I sat down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. Something in my made me pick up my phone. And as I did a message came through. I knew without opening my phone that it was from Edward.

_**I look forward to 6 then.**_

**Why is that?**

_**Because…**_

**Because is not an answer**

_**No it is not, it is the start of an answer.**_

**Okay so finish, then.**

_**I'll be with you. Is that okay?**_

**I suppose…clearly we have some things to talk about.**

**I need to get some sleep, I have an early class. I'll see you later.**

_**Okay, sweet dreams Isabella.**_

With that I closed my phone and rolled over to pull my quilt over my head. I hoped that sleep would come and make things clearer in the morning. I could only hope that it did. I closed my eyes and the first thing I saw were Edward's emerald green eyes.

The few hours that I managed to sleep were fitful at best, and with Edward's sudden desire to see me and the things he said in his email just had my mind on over drive. Angela was awake already when I got up to turn my alarm off.

"So how was your night with _him_?" She asked with a sly smile. I cocked an eyebrow at her.

"What are you talking about?" I asked. I couldn't remember much of my dream that I had, only seeing Edward's eyes. I suddenly prayed that I had not talked in my sleep. I had a habit of doing that in the past.

"Oh, PLEASE, Bella. You were getting all hot and heavy in your dream before I got in the shower. So tell me, how was it?" Angela said with an even bigger grin.

"I honestly don't even remember anything other than seeing his eyes. What did I say?" I looked at her feeling the blush wash over me. She grinned and chuckled.

Doing her best imitation of me "Edward…no..no, please. Oh Edward I'm so close…" She laughed and I felt my face grow hotter with the burn of the blush. I buried my face in my pillow. Angela just giggled.

"Come on Bella, get up and let's go. I want to grab something more than a bagel before class, and you need something too!" Angela said looking up at the calendar and seeing the big circle around the date. "Come on, or so help me I will call Alice and you will be in big trouble." She said as she swatted me with the towel. I groaned. Angela knew way too much information for my own good.

I made it through the day in a bit of a haze. At 3 o'clock Charlie called me to see how I was doing. He knew about my appointment, and I was sure Renee was going to be calling me at 4:30 hoping I was done with everything to report to her. Angela offered to drive me over to the medical center, but I reminded her that I was meeting Edward afterward so there was no point. As we walked toward our dorm building she pulled her phone out and set an alarm on it.

"At 5:30 you better call me and tell me how your appointment went. And then if you need an out for meeting with him at 6 you will still have time." She gave me a weak smile. I knew she was as nervous about this as I was. Angela had helped me carry this burden since freshman year, so far things had been good. But with each month we worried together.

"Hey, you know I still need to work on the plans for the dance, and I have to start making trip arrangements. Are you and Ben going to be joining this time?" I asked her changing the subject to lighten the mood. She smiled.

"I think so. I hope so. We haven't talked about the trip in class yet. Isn't there still a lot of time before it happens?" She knew that I helped the professor with all the arrangements because it eased his burden and it was fun for me. I also got a bit of discount for doing it.

"Are you kidding as soon as the dance is over everything comes on way too fast. I have to have everything planned out so that I'm not running around at the last minute with all of this." I smiled at her as we paused in the hallway.

"Alright, wish me luck." I meant it more for meeting with Edward than anything else. She hugged me and I headed out to the parking lot while she got on the elevator to head up to our room.

I hated having to go through all the tests each month, but my CBC (complete blood count) had been on track for the last couple of years. I was in the maintenance stage, and had been for a while. My medication dosage had been lowered and both my parents were excited about that. I on the other hand knew that at any time I could relapse. I sat in the room looking around at everyone who was coming in and out for their tests or treatments. I found that I wished I wasn't alone. As great as Angela was, she would never be comfortable sitting here with me. And my parents were too far away, to ask them to fly in for the two hours I was here was just silly. I had become able to handle the maintenance part alone, but I worried about the what if of things relapsing. As I fretted over what I am sure is nothing my mind went to Edward. Would he ever sit here with me, even just as a friend so I wasn't alone? Maybe one day. My name was called and I stood to go back into the doctor's office when suddenly every hair on the back of my neck went on end.

I sensed him before I heard him, and I heard him before I went through the door. He was here. I turned briefly and saw him kneeling in front of a little girl, she couldn't have been more than ten. He was talking to her in a hushed voice and she giggled. He smiled that crocked grin that always made me melt. And with that he turned, and for a moment I thought he saw me. His eyes, changed. They weren't sparkling anymore they suddenly looked sad, lost even. The nurse called my name from down the hall and I was released from the spell that Edward's presence cast over me. It had only been mere seconds, but it had felt like an eternity. If it was him, I knew he would ask about my being there. I sighed. We had a lot to talk about. I just wanted to get through this first.

The news was the same, still in remission. Everything looks good, keep it up. I called Charlie, and sent a mass text out to Renee, Alice, Lexie and Angela. The response back from each was a collective good. As I was headed to the Starbucks I received another text. Alice. Why did I have a bad feeling about this?

**Hey Bella. I hear you are meeting my brother for a date. It's. About. Time!**

I sighed, of course he must have told her at some point and she jumped to the conclusion she wanted.

_**It's not a date. We are just having coffee.**_

**Whatever you kids are calling it these days. Call me later. No matter the time. We have to talk!**

_**Okay. **_

I pulled into the parking lot and looked around for his car, then remembered I hadn't seen him in four years, I had no idea what he was driving any more. I parked my truck and headed in side. It had started to snow so I shook the little bit that was on me off as I entered the shop. Looking around I didn't see him, but I needed something to warm me up and fast so I figured it wouldn't hurt to just order.

As I scanned the menu and decided to just go with the usual the hairs on my neck stood again. I turned around and came face to chest with Edward. I looked up at him, not realizing how much taller than me he had gotten. His arms had encircled me to prevent me from falling backward when I collided with him, and I felt electric charges on every part of me that was connected to him at the moment.

"Hello" he said is a soft voice that sounded almost musical to me. I realized that I had been staring at him at this point so I swallowed the dry lump that had formed in my throat.

"Uh, hi. I um, was just going to order and grab a table." I said trying to compose myself. He still had not let me go and I was tingling all over from it. The color of his eyes changed to a deep green that I had never seen before.

"Well Isabella, I think we better do just that." He said in a husky tone I had heard come from him only once before. I turned and moved forward but his arm never left my side.

"I'll have a venti signature hot chocolate with whip, please." I placed my order and pulled my wallet out. But before I could open it to pay Edward gently hip checked me out of the way and added a his venti pike place roast and two double chocolate chunk cookies. He slid the money to the cashier without batting an eye lash and then turned to me gesturing that we find a seat.

It was a small shop so there wasn't a lot of places to choose from, but there were two chairs in a corner with a small table that were unoccupied. I sat first and then Edward sat turning his chair so that he could look at me. We were both quiet. Another girl behind the counter called up our oders, and Edward jumped up to retrieve them. He came back and set them down on the table. The silence was starting to get to me, and we had only been here a few minutes.

"Edward, I need some answers" I began and in his anxiousness he responded much as I expected.

"Yes. No. To get to the other side. Uh…1.77245" He began just saying anything in an attempt to ease the tension but it made it worse for me. Before I laid the cards out like Lexie told me to, I needed to know what his side of things was. I needed to understand why after this long he suddenly cared about being my friend.

"I don't want to know the square root of pie." I said in a clipped tone, he grinned at me. "I want to know what all that was about in your responses to DK's questions."

"It was all about you, Isabella. It has always been about you. I have just been, well a combination of pissed off and afraid so I never actually told you. Well that is until just now." He was looking at his coffee cup and not at me. I watched his facial expression, how he traced the rim of the cup with his fingers, and I saw it again. That sad look in his eyes. I wanted to reach across the table and grab his hand, tell him it was okay. Tell him I felt the same way. But I couldn't find my voice. So I just watched him. And my silence seemed to bring more out in him.

"I never hated you. I was angry with you for choosing to end our friendship instead of telling me what was going on with you. I'm still waiting on you to pull your head out of your ass and do that. But being angry never changed how I felt. You were my best friend, and I loved you even when we were children. I used to think that if you hadn't fallen, if you hadn't gotten sick, if things hadn't worked out like they had, well then maybe you would have gone to prom with me. Maybe we would have been high school sweet hearts. Maybe we would be planning a life together." He pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes he rambled on "I have sat back and quietly loved you for so long, and I can't believe that I am telling you all of this in a Starbucks! I am ridiculously pathetic. Damn Alice for butting in, damn Dr. Caius for pushing for me to take this damn class and my father for agreeing!" He pounded his fist on the table. He opened his eyes and looked at me. I knew my jaw had to be on the floor with all that he had just dropped on my lap.

"Isabella, you are going to have to tell me what you are thinking. I'm sure I could read every mind in this place but yours right now." He said running his hand through his bronze tousled hair.

"Um, well, I, uh" my mind was blank, I was still trying to process what he had just said to me. I heard Lexie's voice saying in my head "_Oh shit girl just tell him!" _And with that thought I began to talk and he just listened.

"So, here's the thing. When I was seven I was diagnosed with Acute Myelogenous Leukemia, simply know as AML. I was terrified that people would treat me differently when they found out so I made my doctor and close family friend promise not to tell anyone until I was ready. It took nine years for me to actually tell one of my best friends that I had AML. She cried more than I did over it. My other best friend stopped speaking to me shortly after I found out what it was that I had. I have only ever loved one person, and he hates me. Or well at least that is what I thought he felt about me for the last 13 years. I am currently in remission and terrified that I will relapse because I know that it is a possibility. I want to be a teacher and am almost done with everything for my degree. I'm taking a Life and Death course and because of that I have had to do something I have been afraid to do 14 years. So there that's what I am thinking." I realized I had been clutching a napkin while I rambled on and Edward's eyes never left my face the whole time.

My face began to grow warm, and I knew I must be five shades of red. Had I really just told him all of that? And then my mouth developed a mind of its own and let a wonderfully private nugget flow out. "The worst part is, the one person I always wanted there with me through it all, was the one who wanted nothing to do with me." And then the unexpected happened.

"I wanted to be there, I still do. You're the reason I am at UR. Isabella Marie Swan I have been in love with you since I was eight years old!" Edward said reaching for my hand.

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**I wasn't sure how to wrap this chapter up...hope it didn't disappoint. I will try to post again soon. And again if you review I'll write you in! Thanks for reading!**


	6. Surprise

**As you know, I own nothing that has to do with Twilight. Sorry for the delay in posting. I hope to get the next chapter up this weekend. **

* * *

**Present day *BPOV***

As Renesme slept in the seat next to me I thought of all that I would have to say to Edward when I saw him again. I was ashamed of not telling him about her for so long. He had a right to know about her from the beginning, but for so long I had told myself and everyone that it wasn't fair of me to take his dream away from him. He had worked so hard, and wanted to be a doctor so badly. How could I take that from him for what I could only hope might work out? There had been too many "what ifs" when I learned that I was pregnant for me to be sure of anything. "What if he resented me? What if he thought I did it on purpose? What if I wasn't really pregnant? What if I lost the baby? What if something happened to me during the pregnancy?" The list went on and on. At 21 I was ready to make the decision for myself to raise her, but I couldn't put him in the position. I was too afraid he would resent me, us later for it. So I did the unthinkable after finally finding happiness. I let him go.

She was right, he would not be happy about this at all. I thought back on when we had last seen each other eight years ago. I had lied to him about things, I had let him think that I didn't love him and that I didn't want him around if I was sick again. It was the hardest thing for me to do, and it crushed me that he believed me even if for a second. When I first thought that I might be pregnant , knew I couldn't expect Edward to put things on hold, I couldn't let myself believe that he loved me that much. So I let him think that my symptoms were from treatments. I let him think that I had come out of remission and pushed him away. By graduation I had managed to convince him that we wouldn't work because I wasn't going back to Forks, and long distance wouldn't last. The breaking point was the week before graduation.

I stroked Renesme's hair as I thought back on that night. He hated me because of that night. I hated me because of that night. I hoped that my actions wouldn't cause her more pain. I know that when we see him again, it isn't going to be pretty. I prayed that he didn't take any of it out on her. She was having a pleasant dream from the looks of it; a small grin came across her face. Yet another thing that reminded me of Edward. There wasn't a thing that she did, that didn't bring him to my thoughts. Thankfully I had been more than honest with my little girl and told her everything about her father and about my mistakes when it came to him. With the grace and unfaltering love she accepted it and forgave me. I could only hope for half of that with him.

I opened my laptop and prepared the email to update Alice. God love Alice, she was such an amazing friend despite everything. The night that it was officially over with Edward and me, I cried to her for an hour over the phone. She yelled at me for not being honest with him, and then told me that she understood why. Six months later, she was there when Renesme was born. She tried to avoid talking about him, but there was no getting around the topic. She told me that he wasn't the same, that he spent all his time alone, and when my name came up he would storm off for hours doing no one knows what.

I could still hear him that night "I have loved you since I was seven Bella. I can't believe that I just got you back in my life and you run away at the slightest hint of struggle! I don't care if you are sick again; I have been there your entire life. I have seen you at your worst even when you didn't know I was there!" And when I told him I didn't want him there, well that was when it got ugly. " I can't believe I let myself fall for you again! I am such a moron, thinking that you cared at all. What a fool I was!" It was at this point that he pulled the velvet box out of his pocket and slammed it on the table.

(End of Flash back)

A jolt from the plane pulled me from my thoughts. I finished the email and put my ear phones in to listen to something, anything to take my mind off of everything that was now before me. With an hour left before we arrived in Port Angeles to be picked up by Charlie, I completed the email to Alice.

Alice,

We've got about an hour before we arrive in Port Angeles. Thank you again for not telling Edward we are coming. I have to find a way to do this on my own. He my never forgive me, but at least they will be able to know each other now. Needless to say, I'm scared. Give my love to Jasper and the rest of the family. Renesme can't wait for the first shopping trip with Aunt Alice. But please, no Barbie Bella. I have missed you so much. See you soon. We will be staying with Charlie so you know where to find us once we arrive in Forks this evening.

Bella

Once I sent the message I focused on the music that had been playing all the while. Most of it reminded me of Edward, like all music did. I just hoped that I could go through with this. The first song made me smile and then look at Renesme, if only he knew that we had more than a movie.

"You say that we've got nothing in common  
No common ground to start from  
And we're falling apart  
You'll say the world has come between us  
Our lives have come between us  
But I know you just don't care

And I said what about "Breakfast at Tiffany's?  
She said, "I think I remember the film,  
And as I recall, I think, we both kinda liked it."  
And I said, "Well, that's the one thing we've got."

I see you - the only one who knew me  
And now your eyes see through me  
I guess I was wrong  
So what now? It's plain to see we're over,  
And I hate when things are over -  
When so much is left undone

And I said what about "Breakfast at Tiffany's?  
She said, "I think I remember the film,  
And as I recall, I think, we both kinda liked it."  
And I said, "Well, that's the one thing we've got."

You say that we've got nothing in common  
No common ground to start from  
And we're falling apart  
You'll say the world has come between us  
Our lives have come between us  
But I know you just don't care

And I said what about "Breakfast at Tiffany's?  
She said, "I think I remember the film,  
And as I recall, I think, we both kinda liked it."  
And I said, "Well, that's the one thing we've got."

The next one made me wish that I could go back and do it all again.

"It's been a while since the two of us talked

About a week since the day you walked

Knowing things would never be the same

With your empty heart and mine full of pain

So explain to me, how it came to this

Take it back to the night we kissed

It was Dublin City on a Friday night

You were vodkas and coke, I was Guinness all night

We were sitting with our backs against the world

Saying things that we thought would never hurt.

Who would have thought it would end like this?

Where everything we talked about is gone

And the only chance we have of moving on

Is trying to take it back

Before it all went wrong

Before the worst, before we mend

Before our hearts decide

It's time to love again

Before too late, before too long

Let's try to take it back

Before it all went wrong

There was a time that we'd stayed up all night

Best friends talking till the daylight

Took the joys alongside the pain

With not much to lose, but so much to gain

Are you hearing me? Cause I don't wanna miss,

Set you a drift on memory bliss

It was Grafton Street on a rainy night

I was down on one knee and you were mine for life

We were thinking we would never be apart

With your name tattooed across my heart

Who would have thought it would end up like this?

Where everything we talked about is gone

And the only chance we have of moving on

Is trying to take it back

Before it all went wrong

Before the worst, before we mend

Before our hearts decide

It's time to love again

Before too late, before too long

Let's try to take it back

Before it all went wrong

If the clouds don't clear

Then we'll rise above it, we'll rise above it

Heaven's gate is so near

Come walk with me through

Just like we use to, just like we used to

Let's take it back

Before it all went wrong

Before the worst, before we mend

Before our hearts decide

It's time to love again

Before too late, before too long

Let's try to take it back

Before it all went wrong

The songs kept coming the same way, always reminding me of something related to Edward. Before too long the plane had landed and Renesme and I were walking up the ramp from the plane. The sight before me was shocking, but I knew it could have been worse. There hovering taking up all the small space the airport could offer was Charlie and almost the entire Cullen family. Edward was not there, I would have never expected him to be.

Emmett rushed forward and picked me up twirling me around. "Little sister you finally found your way home!" He was chuckling as he placed me on my feet then looked to Renesme and smiled. "I am your cool Uncle Emmett. I'm going to teach you all the things the rest of these losers won't. You stick with me kid and you just might turn out alright." Renesme gave him her best smile and then responded to him as if she had been around him her whole life.

"I have heard the stories Uncle Emmett and if they are correct, I'm not up for Aunt Rose giving me a smack in the back of the head after you get yours." Emmett just looked at me then at Rose while the rest of the family was laughing. Charlie stepped forward and hugged me to him.

"Uh, well Alice called after she got your email and insisted on being here. I couldn't tell her no, and then she let the rest of the family know you were coming in. I guess everyone wanted to be here. Well, um. You know what I mean." He said in his usual dad manner.

Everyone was excited to have us coming "home". Renesme took no time getting comfortable with everyone, and they in turn treated her as if she had always been with them. I felt blessed to have them all there. And as we stood there waiting for our bags I knew no matter what happened, Renesme would never want for anything, not if they had anything to do with it. Charlie stayed close to me, something that was unusual for him. I didn't question him, assuming that he was just glad we were there and not thousands of miles away. That was until I caught sight of my reflection in a window as we headed out to the parking lot. I stopped in my tracks and just looked at what I saw for the first time in a long time.

"Hey Bells, you okay there?" Emmett asked. Rose stood next to him and just touched his arm to let him know it was okay.

"First thing on the list, shopping and make-over!" Alice chirped excitedly. I could see her plotting already, and Rose nodded in agreement. Emmett, Jasper and Charlie all looked concerned but it was Carlisle who spoke for them.

"Rose, Alice I think the first thing on the list would be to get Bella to her appointment with her new medical team. After that if she is up to it, and wants to then you may take her out and about for some long overdue girl time." He spoke just as he always had about my medical needs. I looked to him with a questioning look.

"My medical team?" I asked raising an eyebrow. He responded with a nod at first and Esme squeezed his hand. "Carlisle I, I understand what my last results were. I'm not looking for extra effort. I just want to be with my family." I knew that wasn't what they all wanted to hear, and I knew that if I allowed myself to hope too much it would only lead to disappointment for all those involved. I saw the light go out of Charlie's eyes. He was afraid I would give up, that I would allow something not in his control to determine things. The reality of it was that I was just being realistic. The effects were almost as bad as the symptoms, and I made the decision to accept the cards I had been dealt. I just needed to make sure that Renesme was going to be okay when the time came.

Carlisle was clearly not pleased with my answer. "Isabella Marie Swan, this is not up for negotiation. Forgive us for wanting to be a little bit selfish for once, because we are not giving up. And I do expect extra effort! You have been a part of my family since you were born, and I will not let this go without a fight. God damn it!" Everyone was shocked by his response. Esme had tears welling up, and Alice was gripping Jasper's hand like there was no tomorrow. Emmett just nodded his head. Charlie wore an expression that I couldn't read. And then a velvet voice spoke with complete confidence.

"Mommy, you need to listen to Grandpa Carlisle. He's the doctor here. And I'm not ready to stop fighting either." She had the proud determined look Edward always wore when he was speaking the final word on a subject. I looked at her and nodded. I picked her up despite the protests of those around us and stuck my pinkie out toward her, she responded in like.

"Promise" we said in unison. It closed the matter as far as Renesme was concerned, and we walked hand in hand toward the parking lot to the cars.

***EPOV***

I was finishing my rounds in the pediatric wing and was headed down to my office in the oncology wing. I stopped to look at the aquarium that replaced the wall to the waiting room. It had been a hard day and for some reason I felt like I had to just look at the fish swimming peacefully for a few minutes. As I looked through the tank I saw a small face staring at me. I tilted my head thinking that maybe I was just in her way as she was looked at the fish and to my surprise she did the same thing. Assuming that I was now a part of some game of a possible new patient, I played along. I put a finger on the glass. She mirrored my movement. I made a face, and she made the same. I waved, and she did the same. I smiled and so did she. And then I saw what looked like Bella in the smile of this child. I shook my head to clear the thought. I can't believe that I can't go one day without thinking about her. I hated that even after all this time; she still had a hold on me. I knew from Alice's occasional rants that Bella was still alive and well. She had avoided talking about her in my presence, but I did over hear the occasional conversation.

My eye caught the little girl shake her head, and I saw a flash of bronze from her hair. Good thing my mother or father weren't around, I would get an earful about how I needed to settle down and have bronze haired babies of my own. In eight years, no woman had compared to Bella. I still had the engagement ring I had bought with the intention of proposing, before graduation, with.

I walked around the tank into the waiting room and for the first time got a good look at the little girl. I held back the gasp that wanted to escape. Maybe it was the fact that Bella was on my mind, maybe I had finally lost it. I don't know, but in looking at her, I saw the perfect combination of Bella and I. If I didn't know better I would have said she had my hair color with Bella's waves and just a touch of curl, Bella's chocolate eyes with a fleck of emerald green, the perfect blend of our skin tones. She smiled and my heart stopped. I had seen picture after picture of me with that same cocky grin. She tilted her head and raised an eyebrow. I scolded myself. "Get a grip Cullen."

"What should I get a grip on?" The voice that responded was not my own so I had to sit down.

"Oh I was just talking to myself sweetie. You reminded me of an old friend is all." I said a little shaky. I suddenly prayed she was not a patient, because I didn't think I could handle looking at her when I put her through treatments.

"Oh. Okay." She smiled at me and sat down in the chair next to mine. She patted my hand. "My mommy gets that same look some times. So I understand."

This statement brought me out of my thoughts, and added new ones. "Are you alone here, oh pardon my manners. I'm Dr. Cullen. And you are?" I said as if I was talking to an adult. I had the sense that this child was wiser than her years. She stuck her hand out.

"Oh I know who you are. My name is Renesme. But my Uncle Emmett decided to call me Nessie. He said Renesme was more than his mouth could handle. I think he is pretty funny. What do you think?" She spoke without missing a beat like I should know exactly what she meant.

"I have a brother named Emmett; he is kind of silly like that too." I was so taken by her that I didn't even hear what she had said or my own response. It was what she said next that made me question my sanity for the day.

"I know. Now I just need to figure out if you are silly, or if you are as serious and moody as they all said you were when were on our way here. Mommy said you would be. But I think you might be okay." She grinned and quirked her eyebrow again. I just stared at her. And then I heard the sweetest sound, one that I thought I would never hear again.

"Reseme?" The little girl hopped off her chair and ran toward the ghost from my past. I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat as I turned my eyes to look at her. And when I heard what came from the little girl's mouth I knew my world was not going to be the same.

"Mommy! I found him. And I wasn't even trying. He just walked up to the fish tank while I was waiting for you and Grandpa!"

Her eyes wouldn't meet mine, and her face began to grow crimson. "Hello Edward." She finally whispered. And then I saw my father approach us. He looked concerned. If I hadn't already been in shock, what happened next would have sent me there for sure.

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**Songs are Breakfast at Tiffany's by Deep Blue Something and Before the Worst by The Script. Thanks for reading! Please review, good or bad just tell me how it is going. **


	7. Why?

**Sorry I know this is a short chapter...basically it is a little filler to get us moving on with the better part of the story. I also apologize for taking so long to update...real life gets in the way at times. Hope you like it please review. Oh as you already know, I don't own any of the rights to Twilight or the characters. **

Last time...

Her eyes wouldn't meet mine, and her face began to grow crimson. "Hello Edward." She finally whispered. And then I saw my father approach us. He looked concerned. If I hadn't already been in shock, what happened next would have sent me there for sure.

* * *

***EPOV***

We stood there staring at each other. Carlisle broke the silence.

"Bella, Edward I think we should take this to my office. What do you think little one? I have a wall that needs to be filled with art work; you want to go color while they talk?" Renesme reached for his hand and the two of them walked together.

"Come on Grandpa Carlisle, I think I should make one for Grandma Esme too. That way she can put it up on the fridge. Mommy brought all of my old pictures for Grandpa Charlie's house." She chatted away as they walked toward his office. My eyes remained locked on Bella. There were so many questions. Bella walked slowly, hiding behind the curtain of hair. My instinct was to reach out and push it away and look at her and find the answers. I stopped my hand in mid air. No one had seen me, thankfully. My focus returned to the miniature of Bella and me and again the questions and emotions flooded me.

_What the hell is going on here? Who is she? Why does Bella have a daughter? Why is calling my father…_

And with that thought we arrived to our destination and I unleashed what felt like a lifetime's worth of pent up emotion on all of us.

"Why is she calling him Grandpa?" I narrowed my eyes at Bella as my father motioned for the little girl to sit at his table in the corner of the room that he reserved for small team conferences. Before Bella or my father could respond the small voice spoke unwaveringly.

"I call him grandpa because that is what I have always called him. That's what he is. Just like Grandpa Charlie. Only Grandpa Carlisle and I have only talked through mommy and Aunt Alice. And now that we moved, Grandma Esme says I can spend more time with everyone." She never looked up from the picture she was drawing as she spoke. My father looked pleased with the answer. That is should satisfy me as much as it did him.

"Isabella Marie Swan, who is she? And why is she referring to my parents and sister with those terms?" I asked sensing the answer, full on knowing it from the moment I saw her in the waiting room. I just needed to hear Bella confirm it.

***BPOV***

I had been preparing for this moment for eight years. I took a deep breath and prepared to answer. I looked at Carlisle who nodded his head and as I opened my mouth to speak Renesme answered him again. She was not intimidated by him in the slightest.

"You know for someone who is supposed to be so smart you sure ask some silly questions. My name is Renesme Carlie Cullen." She said very matter of fact.

Edward's jaw dropped as he looked from Renesme to me and then to Carlisle. I cleared my throat, and brought his attention back to me. I looked into his eyes for a fraction of a second and almost lost myself there. The depths of Edward still kept there in his eyes.

"Her name as you now know is Renesme Cullen, she's my daughter." I laid my claim on the amazing child that clearly belonged to both of us. I continued as I saw Carlisle nod.

"She is seven years old, her birthday is August 19. And up until yesterday we lived in New York. As you can tell she is extremely bright." I was trying to get the words out to tell him more, thinking that the fact that she looked like him and had his last name would be enough. He had been pacing the room and stopped so that he could turn and ask me one of the questions I was hoping to avoid.

"Am I her father?" He said as he came around toward Carlisle's desk. The chair was empty as Carlisle was sitting by Renesme, so he sat there opposite me. Waiting.

My face betrayed me turning scarlet immediately. All I could do was nod my head. He looked from me to Renesme and Carlisle who were deep in conversation about something, their heads together working to solve some mysterious problem.

***EPOV***

I sat in my father's chair as I processed what I had just learned. I looked at him and my daughter and had a rush of emotions come over me. _My daughter. Mine and Bella's. My Bella._ I looked at Bella and saw that she was now hiding behind her wall of hair again. There was a reason they came. And I was afraid of what that reason might be.

"Why are you here now? I asked torn with the need to know and the desire to be wrong about why. My question was answered with silence.

"Bella why are you here now? You waited until now, why?" Still no answer.

"Bella, why now?" My voice was harsh. I pinched the bridge of my nose. When I opened my eyes a file folder on my father's desk caught my eye. I looked at it again quickly then looked up to Bella who still had not answered me.

_Why had she waited so long? Why hadn't she told me then? Why had she pushed me away?_

"Isabella Marie Swan, I want to know why you are here now?!" It came out as a growl as I tried to wrap my brain around what it already knew, and all that had been learned.

_I had loved her. I had wanted to start a life with her. I had wanted a family; I had wanted his child with her eight years ago. Hell my whole life. Why had she refused me then? Why had she pushed me away?_ _I could still hear the things she had said the night that we ended. Her stuttered excuse. Had she lied? Did she know then? She had been sick; her body had been changing right in front of me. How had I missed it? Why didn't I question her about things? Why had I just accepted her excuses? _

Bella seemed to choke on her answer. My father who had remained silent until now responded.

"Now Edward, I think it shouldn't matter what the motivation was. The fact of the matter is they are here now." Whether he was done with his thought or not I interjected.

"I. Want. To. Know. Why." I said through clenched teeth staring at Bella who was now losing the battle with her tears as they streamed down her face. I was the only one who could see them and it broke me on the inside. She had only seen me like this a handful of times. I was sure she was terrified of me, I would me. However Renesme seemed to be unaffected by me as she stood up from the chair and came around to Bella. She leaned her head on Bella's shoulder and looked right into my eyes, deep into my soul it felt.

"We came to find you. It was time. Now you need to get over it." She was firm in her statements. She was protecting Bella as I always had when we were children. She squeezed Bella's hand and seemed to give strength to Bella with the simple gesture.

"Edward Anthony-Mason Cullen, I have spent the last eight years doing this on my own. I don't want or need anything from you. As Renesme said, it was time for you to meet. Now you have and we will be going now. Thank you Carlisle for your help, I will be in touch." She held on to Renesme's hand as she stood and headed toward the door.

"How much time do you have?" I asked. I didn't have to open the file, I felt it in my bones that there was only one reason why she would come back here. Why after so much time she would thrust this child into the lives of my family and myself, it could only mean one thing.

Bella froze in place. Her body went rigid. "Why do you even care?" She asked without turning to look at me. My heart broke again, didn't she know? Didn't she understand?

She gripped Renesme's hand tighter. The little girl looked at me, deeper still. She knew. She had accepted things. I wanted wrap my arms around her, around them both. In front of me, walking away from me was the family I had dreamed of.

_GO AFTER HER YOU FOOL! DO WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE EIGHT YEARS AGO!_

My brain screamed at me. But my body would not comply. I looked at my father who was looking at several pieces of paper on the conference table. I walked over toward him and what he was looking at. We both looked at the drawings. They were crude, but clearly depicted the life that my daughter had lived with Bella. There was love in them. She had been happy and loved by Bella. I ached with the loss of the time with her, them, and us. I was angry that Bella had kept this from me. And still she kept more. It was clear.

"Tell me." I said to my father as he examined the drawing in his hand.

"I think that needs to come from her son. But only if you are willing to listen. I don't pretend to understand her choices, I never have. But they are hers. You need to be willing to listen. Not just hear. Your mother his having a dinner tonight. Join us if you are free. Why don't you sit down and take some time to think things over. I have to take them to Charlie's since I brought them straight from the airport here." My father gestured for me to sit at the table as he headed for the door.

I sat down and when the door closed I looked at his desk. I picked up the drawings and went and sat in his chair. I could feel my need to look overriding everything else. Bella had brought the daughter I didn't know existed here and there could only be one reason for that. I opened the folder. Reading the information from a Dr. Aro in New York I found what I was looking for. I stared at the line before me. Reading it over and over. I closed the file and picked up the pictures Renesme had drawn. I looked at each one and saw the story that they told. Bella sick, Bella healthy, Renesme growing in each. Always just the two of them. The last one in the pile was one of three people, us, as a family.

I stood and pulled my phone from my pocket. There was only one person I could talk to at this moment. But what would I say? What could be done? It rang only once.

"I need to talk." I said as I looked at the picture in my hand. I left the rest on the desk taking this one with me. I headed out of my father's office and toward mine in the oncology wing. I listened and nodded.

"Okay. I'll be there in a few." I grabbed my keys from my desk drawer and set the picture in it. I didn't want anything to happen to it. And it was still more than I could handle at this moment.  
I was headed to the lobby toward the parking garage when I saw something that made my heart stop.

My brain overrode everything as I ran to the sight in front of me.

***BPOV***

I had to get away from him. I don't know why I thought this would be a good idea. I was such a fool. He hated me, he had hated me for eight years and here I was thrusting Renesme on him out of the blue.

I looked down at her as we approached the lobby. She smiled, understanding. Damn it! It would be one thing if it was just me, but it isn't. I had to think about her. Shit!

"Crap!" I muttered out loud. She cocked an eyebrow at me. An Edward trait that drove me nuts.

"Carlisle drove us, we have to go back and get him." I said as I looked out the window trying not to look at my all too intelligent daughter. No doubt she figured that tid bit out as soon as we walked out of the office. My luck she knew it before we had even left the airport with him.

We turned to head back in the direction of Carlisle's office. I managed to get lost on the way. Renesme just holding my hand the whole time. We circled back and I could feel the emotions of the day take over. I looked down at Renesme and couldn't hold it in anymore. I felt the tears streaming down my face. They came fast, hot tears blurring my vision.

"Mommy?" Renesme's voice sounded concerned. She squeezed my hand and tried to guide me to a bench to sit down. The tears wouldn't stop, but I noticed that there was no sound coming out of me. It scared me so I could only imagine how Renesme was handling it. I couldn't seem to bring any sound out. I sat down and just let the tears over take me. This was how Carlisle found us.

"Bella? Bella are you okay? Renesme what happened?" He asked.

"We tried to find you. Mommy got lost. And then she got scared. Grandpa Carlisle is she okay?" Renesme asked for the first time sounding like the seven year old she was. And then came the velvet voice that sent me over the edge.

"What's going on? Bella are you okay? Dad what happened? Renesme?" Edward sounded scared like Renesme. He inched in so that he was right in front of me and placed his hand on my cheek. "Bella, honey look at me. We need to slow your breathing down. Can you tell me what happened?"

I found myself calming down with him near. His fingers swept the tears from my cheeks. He turned to Renesme. I closed my eyes and tried to slow my breathing down as he had instructed.

"Sweetie, what happened to you mom? Can you tell me?" He was calm and patient.

"We got lost. She got scared." I could hear the fear in her voice. I opened my eyes to look at them. He was look at her in the way I had always imagined he would. With care, and hope. With the love that I had always wanted from him. I envied her in the moment.

I took several deep breathes while Carlisle checked my pulse and the dilation of my pupils. It seemed a bit much for someone who basically had nothing more than a crying fit, but knowing Carlisle he wasn't going to take any chances. When he deemed me ready he had me stand up, people just kept walking by us. It made me wonder if this was not an unusual sight, or if they sensed that there was something different in the events that were happening here.

Several women did take notice of Edward who was now holding Renesme. They smiled and waved, but neither her daughter nor Edward seemed to notice.

_Smart girl. Hold on and don't let go._

"Bella, I think we should get you home now. Do you think you can walk to the car or should I get a…" Carlisle began but Edward cut him off.

"I'll take them dad, I was headed out that way as it is. So it isn't a problem." His voice sounded forced. In my gut I knew he didn't want to take me anywhere. I was about to refuse and insist that Carlisle take us when Edward set Renesme down and scooped me up.

"Come on sweetie, let's get your mommy home before she does something she will regret, again." The last word came out very quiet, and if I hadn't been in his arms and so close I probably would have missed it. Deep down it confirmed what I thought. He hated me.


	8. Insist on being difficult

**Thank you for your reviews! Two more fans have made it into the story...thank you thank you thank you!!**

**In this one is from both POV. Bella's is in the past, and Edward's is the present day. I'm not making any promises for this story. It will go where it happens to go. But thank you to those of you pulling for Bella. **

**As you know...I own nothing in regards to Twilight.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**8 years earlier….**

***BPOV***

"Angela!" I came storming in the dorm room, needing to talk to Angela as soon as possible. Edward and I had talked for three hours at Starbucks. After my finally telling him about my AML he reached across the table and took my hand. I swear that a jolt of electricity sparked across us when he touched me. My hand still tingled three hours later. When I had to get in my car I felt a sense of loss because he had let my hand go. I scanned the room looking for a note or something. I figured she had either gone to the library or met up with Ben. My phone vibrated in my bag. "It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride, everything everything, will be just fine, everything everything will be alright, alright" played. I grabbed the phone and answered knowing already who it would be.

"Hey Alice," I sighed. I was sure she must have called Edward, or he called her.

"I thought I told you to text me when your date with my brother was over!" Alice's high pitched voice attempted to yell at me.

"Ali I just walked into my room, for crying out loud I didn't get a chance to call you yet!" I walked over to my computer to sign on and check my email. I was tired from the day but knew that I would have to email Lexie and let her know I took her advice.

"Alright so tell me everything. Where did you go? What did you do? More importantly what did you wear?" Alice prattled on in my ear as I signed into AIM. Instantly I had a message come up.

_**Makki: Hey chick!**_

_**Bella0923: Hey girl. What's up?**_

_**Makki: The sky!**_

_**Bella0923: Ha Ha…**_

_**Makki: Lexie told me you ran into Dr. Sexy**_

_**Bella0923: Is nothing scared with you people?! I can't believe she told you!**_

_**Makki: Oh come on! Just because he is every girl's wet dream…you almost sound territorial over there.**_

_**Bella0923: Excuse me?!?**_

_**Makki: Was that you being a prude or are you admitting to the need to piss on his leg like you are claiming ownership?!**_

_**Bella0923: First off, I am not a prude. 2 there is no need to be peeing on anyone's leg! I'm not a dog!**_

_**Makki: Good because I was worried there for a minute. Ha Ha Ha!**_

"Are you listening to me? Bella? **BELLA!**" Alice yelled over the phone.

"Yeah, I'm listening Ali. Just relax please. Now what was the question before you busted my ear drum?" I asked trying to hope she hadn't caught that I wasn't listening to her at all.

"You are a terrible liar and you know it. But I will forgive you. So did my brother finally get over himself and tell you?" She quipped. Why was I always the last to know certain things? I sighed and then thought I could draw more out of her if I played along.

"We talked. Was there more that he was supposed to tell me?" I asked hoping she would be in the mood to take the bait and spill whatever she knew.

"Talked are you kidding me? That boy has been dying to get your attention and explain how much he loves you for, like, gawd, forever! I'll kill him if he choked and didn't just spill his stupid, over thinking guts to you!" I smiled a little this would be easy tonight. Alice was singing like a canary for me just because she hoped that one day Edward and I would end up together.

"Oh that. Well like I said we talked. I think we resolved all of that. It shouldn't be an issue now." I said very nonchalant. And sent another message to Makki telling her I would email her the details once I finished some work for the night.

"ARE YOU SHITTING ME?! I'M GONNA KILL HIM!" Alice was yelling at the top of her lungs but not into the phone. She must have pulled it away before she began.

"Calm down Ali!" I couldn't help the grin I had. I prodded her for more. "What was supposed to happen here?"

"Seriously, Bella. Emmett and I prepped him for this. We have been prepping him since he was three to just tell you that he loved you. I mean seriously it is getting old now. He thought no one knew why he chose to go to UR but the whole friggin' world knew. He was following you! Ugh! Stupid smart boy and not knowing to just fucking tell the girl he loves that he has planned how he was going to propose for like six years." The last part was more to her than to me, and that admission nearly made me fall out of my chair.

"What?!" I asked. I couldn't believe I had heard this. "How do you know? I mean that can't be true." I couldn't wrap my head around it.

"Shit yeah. My dad gave him Grandma Cullen's rings years ago, with the promise that when he found the one he would pass them on to her. At graduation Edward told mom and dad that you were it. And once he could convince you he was going to propose. Emmett overheard them. He nearly shit a brick. When he told me I went straight to Edward to find out for sure. I have like a thousand sketches of dress designs for you. Not mention some designs for my dress and whoever else you have in the bridal party." She kept going and I had to sit down.

"Ali, you can't be serious. I mean. Edward doesn't want to marry me. Never mind anything that he and I discussed tonight. He can't seriously want to marry me when he has barely begun his career. He still has to complete his residency. I mean. He has so much more to complete. He can't. I mean…"I couldn't bring myself to understand.

_Why would he want me? All those years I was sure he hated me. We stopped being friends. He was mean, cruel even. Sure I had loved him, but it made no sense that he loved me. And six years?! Graduation? _

"I am serious Bella. That boy has been in love with you his whole life. And you have been the same way. It is about time the two of you get your heads out of the sand and get it together. At least take the chance and give him a shot to show you. A couple of dates. A little wham-bam-thank you mam. Who knows what may happen." Alice giggled at the end of her statement. I'm sure she felt that it was the wisest thing she had ever told me.

"Alice! I can't believe you just told me to have sex with your brother!" I said shocked.

"Please girl. Someone needs to tell you to loosen up. And lord knows he has been holding out for you too. Just do it and ease the tension between you two. It will be better for all parties connected to you." She snickered.

"Ugh. Ali you are unbelievable. I'm going to pretend you didn't say that." I said to her covering my eyes with my free hand.

"Whatever. Just don't wait too long. For my sake if Edward comes back to Forks and you haven't done anything about his permanent blue balls, Emmett and I are locking the two of you in a room together until it happens." She laughed at the end of it, but I knew if she was saying it, she meant every word.

I swallowed a lump that was rising in my throat. How was I going to face him tomorrow in class?

"Ali I have to get going. I have a ton of work to do for class tomorrow. I will call you tomorrow when I get out of my last class for the day. Okay? And please no more talking about sex and Edward. It is a little creepy." I pleaded. I could not believe I had heard her say any of it.

"Okay! Oh and tomorrow I have to tell you all about the hot Texan across the hall from me. Yummy!" Alice ended the conversation in usual Alice form.

I looked back at my laptop screen to see that I had more messages waiting for me. I groaned figuring it was either Makki giving me more crap or Lexie with her own blend.

_**Flora73: Soooooo…..**_

_**Bella0923: Not you too!**_

_**Flora73: Oh please…come one tell me all the juicy details…**_

_**Flora73: Did you take him right there where ever you were?**_

_**Bella0923: No**_

_**Flora73: Make out heavily?**_

_**Bella0923: No**_

_**Flora73: Geez girl give me something at least. Your ass is out there….mine has, well there is the hot male nurse on duty tonight, but I mean really where am I going to go with that one? Certainly not the sponge bath I would like. **__**Soooooo…..tell me Dr. Gorgeous at least kissed you.**_

_**Bella0923: What is with you all and calling him Dr. Sexy/Gorgeous?**_

_**Flora73: Um hello have you not looked at that man lately? I mean I have only seen pictures that you have, I can only imagine the real thing is even better. Sooooo….I'm waiting here. **_

_**Bella0923: This stays between us….got it?!**_

_**Flora73: Pinky swear…so tell me already!**_

_**Bella0923: He did kiss me goodnight. But it wasn't a big thing, just on the cheek. So don't go getting crazy about it.**_

_**Flora73: HOORAY! It's about friggin' time!!! Why only on the cheek. Girl you need to get that tongue working. You know if you don't use it, it will fail when you need it. Get to it. And if you don't I'm telling Lexie!!!**_

About the time I was getting ready for bed for good and was about to sign off another message popped up. I didn't recognize the name.

_**DocEC02 has sent you a message**_

I debated clicking the okay box to view it. As I debated my phone vibrated with signaling a new text. I flipped it open and felt my eyebrow cock up as I looked from my phone to my laptop screen.

_I know you are there…just click okay. Please._

So I did. And the message before me brought heat to my face.

_**DocEC02: Am I lame for saying that I wish that the Starbucks stayed open later?**_

_**Bella0923: Well that depends. Do you like their House Blend that much?**_

_**DocEC02: NO! I liked spending time with you that much.**_

_**Bella0923: Ha Ha Ha…that was a good one!**_

_**DocEC02: I am being serious. Do you have plans for tomorrow say 11:00am? **_

_**Bella0923: Um, yeah class…you know the one you have to come to.**_

_**DocEC02: I know that…so I'll see you then?**_

_**Bella0923: Yes. Seriously? You IMed me for that?**_

_**DocEC02: Well yes and no. Do you want me to bring you a Signature Hot Chocolate? **_

_**Bella0923: Um, sure. I mean you don't have to. **_

_**DocEC02: I know that. Why do you insist on being difficult?**_

_**Bella0923: I am not.**_

_**DocEC02: Yes you are. Alright I have work to do…I'll see you tomorrow. **_

_**Bella0923: Sure, I'll see you then.**_

_**DocEC02: Since you are in an agreeable mood. You want to get dinner with me tomorrow?**_

_**Bella0923: Sure, wait what?**_

_**DocEC02: Too late. I'll talk to you about it tomorrow.**_

_**DocEC02: Good night love.**_

**Present day….**

***EPOV***

As I drove to Charlie's I couldn't help but look at the passenger seat at Bella. She was staring out the window. It drove me nuts. There was so much that I wanted to say. So much to ask. But suddenly I was afraid that I had pushed too much in Carlisle's office. Had I caused this?

I pulled in to my parents' driveway, and Bella looked at me.

"Thanks for the ride. You do know that Charlie's house is that one right?" And she pointed to the house next door.

"Yes." I said as I opened my door and climbed out. Before I could get around the other side she had opened her door and climbed out. "Why do you insist on being difficult?"

"You should have grown used to it by now." She snapped "I still don't see why you bother asking or even caring." I looked at her standing there, and I saw it. I had ruined things that night when I stormed out on her. _What do I have to do to make it right?!_

"Bella, please. Olive branch here. You come out of nowhere with…with my seven year old daughter that you never told me about. Cut me a little slack here." I looked to the back seat where Renesme had fallen asleep. I opened the door and scooped her out. Then began walking across the driveway toward the Swan's house. Charlie was home and must have been waiting for them to return. He swung the door open and looked panicked.

"Bells? What happened, where is Carlisle?" He asked looking past me to Bella.

"Everything is fine dad. Renesme fell asleep in the car. Carlisle is probably behind us." She approached the porch where I stood with Renesme. "Come on Edward, I'll show you where to let her rest."

I followed her up the stairs to her old room. Charlie had moved some things around, and there was a small roll away that was barely a twin size bed on the far wall under the window. Bella motioned for me to set Renesme on her old bed. She placed a blanket over her. I stood there looking at the scene in front of me.

"Where are you sleeping?" I asked, unable to stop myself even though I knew. She looked up at me with a quizzical look then nodded toward the roll away. I raised an eyebrow.

"Seriously? You can't sleep on that. You and I both know you will thrash around in the night and fall off that blasted thing. Not to mention having it by the window. Are you trying to catch pneumonia?" I spoke seriously looking at her pleading with my eyes for her to see all that was still there.

"I' m not forcing my father out of his room, and if I need to I can sleep on the couch. Why are you so worried about where I sleep? I mean seriously Edward. We both know you don't care. So why do you keep asking these questions?" There was hurt in her eyes, and her voice. I wanted to shake her, to hold her to me until she felt my heart pounding for her.

"You don't know anything." I found myself saying. I sounded like an angst ridden teen ager.

Her face grew crimson. I just looked at her, here in her childhood room. She sat down on the roll away while I stood in the doorway. She seemed to sense that I wasn't going to move until we talked about a few things. With Renesme sleeping we were forced to limit the octaves we normally would have sought.

"What do you want Edward? Why are you still here? What does any of it matter to you?" Bella asked looked not at me but at Renesme.

"You. I want answers Bella. Because you brought her here, into my life now. And that makes me involved. I can't leave it. You jump I jump." I said and raised my eyebrow and grinned at her. Hoping she would catch what I had done.

"Did you just use part of a Titanic line on me?" She said looking briefly at me then out the window. It was the same window that faced my old bedroom window.

I grinned; she had only caught part of it. This was going to take some work. But I wouldn't give up. My time was limited. But it had taken a quarter of that time to get her where I had wanted her before, and now we had Renesme to show for that. Now if I could do it again, who knows what I could have. She rolled her eyes at me.

"She does that you know. That eyebrow thing you do. Drives me nuts." Bella smiled a gentle smile. She stood and looked out the window. Letting out a sigh I saw her let go of something she was holding onto. "Carlisle, Renesme and the rest made me promise I would try. But I am so tired. It just takes so much energy to do it all. They don't understand that I have been doing this for so long." She sighed again. Without thinking I had approached her and now caught my hand reaching out to touch her. I took a deep breath and inhaled her scent. I let my hands rest on her shoulder. Or did she let me do that? She looked over her shoulder at me, and then blushed slightly.

"I know. I've been there with you. Through most of it. The last eight years, well you made sure I wasn't there. But for the rest of it. I as there. I get it. But you know what. I'm going to be a little selfish now and tell you to forget them, and promise me. Promise me you'll try. Promise me time. Please Bella. You owe me." I touched her cheek with my hand. She closed her eyes and pressed her cheek into my palm.

"Why?" She sighed.

"Because."I said running my thumb up and down her cheek.

"Because is not an answer." She spoke very softly. Was she affected by me as I was by her?

"It's the start of an answer." I spoke to her, still moving my thumb. I leaned in closer. Mere inches from her; I could feel her gentle breath against me.

"Well then finish." She whispered. Did she sense the change in the space? Did she want this as badly as I did?

"I may not have the softest touch, I may not say the words as such, and I know I may not look like much...but…"I began to speak, to tell her when suddenly her phone began to ring.

_

* * *

_

Song....The Middle by Jimmy Eat World


	9. Dinner with the family

Sorry this has taken so long...real life just gets in the way sometimes. As you know I don't own anything connected with Twilight. I hope you like this chapter. And remember if you review...I'll write you in.

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***EPOV***

Bella turned and grabbed the phone off the desk where she had set it. I groaned inwardly. Cock blocked by her phone. Before she answered it she sighed. _Please let her feel what I am feeling over here. _

_Whoever it is on the phone better be important, because that was just rude. _

I watched Bella as she answered. Her voice sounded impatient. I wished that she would turn around so that I could see her face. But hearing her voice was enough at the moment. I listened to the one sided conversation and was curious.

"Hello. Yes. I know. What time? Okay. Yes we'll see you then. Yes ma' he is. Would you like to speak with him?" She turned to me with her phone extended. "She wants to talk to you."

I raised an eyebrow at her as I took the phone. "Hello?" I questioned not sure who to expect.

"Edward darling, when you are done trying to figure out things with Bella can you please be sure that she and my granddaughter come for dinner. Charlie has to work an overnight shift and I told him I would be sure that they were feed and set for the night. I know she is going to protest when it comes time but if you are there she won't refuse you. So have them here by 6 o'clock. Understood?" My mother's voice came out more as an order than asking. She hung up and I handed the phone back to Bella. She set it down on the desk again.

"So what did she say to you?" Bella asked looking back at me. I shrugged my shoulders. I was sure it was the same thing she said to her. I also knew that when my father said that my mother was having dinner that meant everyone would be there. Bella sighed. "We aren't staying here for dinner are we?" She looked at Renesme who was sleeping peacefully still. When she looked back to me I shook my head.

"Nope. Esme requests the presence of you and her granddaughter for dinner and she will not take no for an answer. We have about 30 minutes. You want to go down stairs and talk over coffee? I think we have some catching up to do." I said and looked at Renesme, Bella's eyes followed mine and she nodded. I stepped aside so that she could lead the way. As she passed me I let my eyes absorb her, I let myself take a deep breath of her scent. I tried to repress the groan that wanted to escape. She still was tempting as ever.

"Edward, do me a favor." She began as she looked over her shoulder at me "don't stare at my ass on the way to the kitchen." She let out a small giggle as she stopped at the top of the stairway.

"I'm not promising you anything Swan." I said with a grin and a chuckle. _BUSTED! _

***BPOV***

I don't know what came over me when I walked passed him on the way out of my old bedroom. It was like all the things I had wanted once were coming to the surface again. I walked down the stairs feeling my face growing more and more enflamed from the blush that had crept up after my comment. His response was not what I had expected. Maybe a laugh, something to tell me he was not too as affected as I was.

When we walked into the kitchen I gestured for him to sit at the small table by the window while I made my way around the kitchen making him a cup of coffee. I opted for chamomile tea instead. When the coffee was done I didn't stop to think that I had added sugar and milk to it. I turned with both mugs and caught Edward watching me.

"What?" I asked in confusion. He began to grin slightly. As I set the mug in front of him he cocked that eyebrow at me. "Seriously, what?" I asked again.

"You remembered." He spoke looking at the mug. "You remembered how I took my coffee. It has been eight years and you did it like it was this morning that you last made it." With that he brought the mug to his lips and I felt my throat go dry. It was a simple gesture but he made it look so sensual. I cleared my throat in hopes of clearing the thought from my head and took a sip of my tea.

"Alright. I don't know about you, but I'm not up for the deep 'what the hell Bella' conversation right now so how about we just talk like two friends who haven't seen each other in eight years." Edward spoke setting the cup down. He looked sincere. Then he licked his lip and I my mouth and brain were no longer working together.

"You know we did that once before. As a result of that we have a seven year old asleep upstairs. You sure you want to go down that path again?" I asked with a wicked grin on my face. I was teasing him, and was sure his response would be to avoid this all together. What I got shocked me.

"Oh I remember everything. I thought about buying stock in Starbucks because of it. I'm game for it if you are." His eyes must have reflected my grin because there was certain wickedness in them. My jaw must have hit the floor. And he laughed at me.

"Edward Anthony-Mason Cullen, you are unbelievable. I am a mother now. That kind of talk is completely inappropriate around me. Geez!" I huffed out. I wanted to laugh so badly.

"Yes, I know. And I remember a time before you were someone's mother. Mm mm mm. Those were the days." Edward said as he was about to take another sip of the coffee. He closed his eyes after his comment and ran his hand through his hair. I felt one of his legs stretch out a little bit and brush against mine. And there it was that current pulsing through me all over again.

"So, what did you want to know, besides the obvious?" I asked looking at the mug of tea in my hand.

"Well besides the obvious what have you been doing for the last eight years?" He spoke quietly but something was there in his eyes that I couldn't understand. I wasn't sure I wanted to. We sat there talking like two old friends catching up on lost time. We could have gone on for hours if his phone hadn't buzzed. He looked at the screen then up at me. Then he turned the screen for me to read the message.

From: Em

Time: 5:59PM

Message: Ok loser time is up get my lil sis and niece over here right now or I'm comin over and I don't care what I interrupt…you have one minute…starting now

I laughed and then to my surprise there was a knock at the door. The suddenness of it made me jump. Edward cocked his eyebrow at me. And Emmett began bellowing outside the door. The knocking only got louder and with it came Renesme crying upstairs. I looked at Edward and he shrugged.

"He did warn us that he was coming over in a minute." He said as we both stood up and moved away from the table.

"Okay well I need to get Renesme, she is probably scared waking in a new room and the noise from Em didn't help. Can you just go with him and tell them we are on our way?" I asked heading toward the stairs.

"Um, no. I told my mother I was bringing you over. She will have my hid if I enter that house without you. Nice try Swan. Get Renesme and we will head over together." He replied with a stern look. I sighed as I climbed the stairs and called out to Renesme.

"It's alright baby, I'm coming." I swore that I heard Edward groan from the bottom of the stairs as I reached the top and rounded the corner to my room. Renesme was sitting up on the bed with tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Yyou wweren't here, I I didn't know where you were." She stammered as I approached and sat on the bed next to her. I put my arms out and she threw herself into them. I tried to sooth her by rubbing her back and calmly telling her that I was just downstairs in the kitchen.

"Wwhat was the banging? It was loud." She stammered again. Before I could answer her Edward's velvet voice spoke from the doorway.

"That was just Uncle Emmett trying to make sure we were all okay. Grandma Esme has dinner waiting for us next door and everyone is waiting for you to come over and take your spot at the table. You think you want to go over? Otherwise I will tell Uncle Emmett to go back over and we can eat here, just us." He moved into the room and stood next to the bed talking to her like it completely depended on her and what she wanted to do. She seemed to be mulling it over when Emmett called up from downstairs.

"Come on you three. I'm hungry and mom said no one eats until you get over there. Tell Nessie that Aunt Rose and Aunt Alice want to plan a shopping trip for tomorrow." He sounded like a little kids pleading so that he could have his dinner.

"It's up to you little one. I can order pizza or something if you would prefer to stay here." He spoke again. I saw his hand twitch, almost as though he wanted to reach out to her head or shoulder to reassure her, but he was holding back. Renesme turned toward the opposite side of the bed it appeared she had made her decision as she bounded off the bed and yelled at the top of her lungs.

"I'm coming right now Uncle Emmett!" She sprinted around the bed and out the door taking the steps two at a time and leaping into Emmett's arms at the bottom of the stairs. The two of them laughed as he set her on his shoulders as they exited the house together. Edward and I looked at each other and then at the doorway our child had sprinted out of. He began to chuckle.

"Leave it to Emmett to understand what a seven year old needs to hear to be convinced of something."Edward said sounding surprised. Then he looked at me and said "What?"

"Your brother just knick named my child after a fictional water creature!" I said with fury. And Edward chuckled again.

***EPOV***

The words came out as I approached the door "It's alright baby, I'm coming" and my brain instantly went to one of our nights together. My body responded and I couldn't help the groan that escaped my lips. Flashes of Bella in my arms, my bed, and the list went on and on. How was it that after eight years she still had this affect on me? I opened the door to Emmett ready to bang again.

"Okay douche. Geez your banging scared Renesme. She was sleep. Bella was going to wake her just before your sudden need to break down the chief's door. You did it instead." I snapped. I could hear the annoyance in my voice. "Stay here while I check on them." I turned to the stairs and climbed them two at a time to get up to my girls. _My girls, mine. Well Renesme is mine, but what about Bella? Was there even a chance? Did I want the chance?_

I stood outside the door listening to Renesme cry about Bella not being there, and I thought about how she was going to feel when the day came that Bella wasn't there and my heart ached. Before I knew what I was doing I was answering for Bella to sooth Renesme. My brain said I needed to make sure that she never thought she was alone again. That even when Bella wasn't there, someone else would be, and that someone was me. _Seriously? Could I handle being a father? Was I ready for it? Would either Bella or Renesme like that idea? _

"That was just Uncle Emmett trying to make sure we were all okay. Grandma Esme has dinner waiting for us next door and everyone is waiting for you to come over and take your spot at the table. You think you want to go over? Otherwise I will tell Uncle Emmett to go back over and we can eat here, just us." I sat on the bed by them as I spoke, and Emmett ever the smooth one yelled up from the boom of the stairs.

"It's up to you little one. I can order pizza or something if you would prefer to stay here." I said and I was torn, I could take my new found daughter to eat with my family or I could spent the time with it as just us and get to know her before everyone else did. I began to lift my hand to stroke her arm and stopped myself. But the urge was stopped because I had no idea if that would help her at all. She didn't know me, and I didn't have the first clue about her. Renesme turned toward the opposite side of the bed it appeared she had made her decision as she bounded off the bed and yelled at the top of her lungs back to Emmett. It appeared that she was a Cullen in many of her traits.

***BPOV***

Walking into the Cullen house made me feel sixteen again. So much of it seemed like nothing had changed in all the years I had been gone. We made our way into the dining room where everyone was gathered. Esme was just playing the last dish on the table. I inhaled the aroma. It was one of my favorite meals that she made.

Everyone was talking excitedly. Emmett strode in and plopped down in his chair next to Rose very ungracefully. Everyone was in their usual spot. The only thing that changed about the set up of the table was there was now an extra chair at the corner.

"My dear this is your spot unless you would prefer another. I hope you don't mind sitting by me." Carlisle spoke to Renesme as he stood behind the chair to pull it out. Edward and I were to sit across from each other as always, and Renesme's chair was located at the corner between me and Carlisle at the head of the table.

"Aww, come on Nessie wants to sit next to me!" Emmett whined. Renesme laughed and I glared at him. Edward nudged me.

"What's wrong?" His voice was smooth, easy going, almost like this was the most natural situation.

"Your brother just did it again." I said through gritted teeth. Edward put his hand on the small of my back to guide me to the table. The current rushed through me again and my body became covered in goose bumps. I shivered which did not escape Edward's attention.

"You okay?" He asked his breath grazing my ear. I just nodded my head and prepared to pull the chair out, but Edward beat me to it. I thanked him as I sat. Everyone was watching us which made it twice as uncomfortable. Carlisle asked Edward to turn on the stereo before he sat down. Moments later Debussy filled the room and I felt myself relax into an old routine. Renesme smiled and turned to Carlisle and began what would be a long evening of conversation about our lives back in New York.

"Mommy used to play Claire De Lune at dinner time too." She stated without pause. "She said that, Music washes…"

"...away from the soul the dust of everyday life." Esme finished the statement with her. I blushed because it was her phrase that stuck with me. She smiled at me and I felt myself relax even more. It was like I had come home again. Not just to Forks but to my second family. Everything fell into place as dinner progressed.

***EPOV***

I half listened to Renesme as she prattled on about just about everything she could think of. There was so much to catch up on. My family seemed un-phased by it all. It was as if they had known her for her whole seven years. Alice would make little comments that indicated that she did know some of the information that my daughter was telling us.

_My daughter. _

I still could not wrap my head completely around it. It was at this point that I caught Bella go ten shades of red and look down. She was avoiding my gaze, and I turned my attention to what Renesme was saying. Then I realized that she was telling a story about someone Bella had dated. My jaw tensed.

Alice suddenly tried to change the subject. "So Nessie. What is the first thing on the list for our shopping trip? Knowing your mother you have nothing more than jeans, t-shirts and sweatshirts." In true child attention span form Renesme's attention went from the story she started to Alice's question. Bella didn't say anything but I saw her look at Alice and make a gesture with her hand. Alice just nodded as she listened to Renesme. If you weren't watching you would have missed the whole thing. My curiosity was peeked. What was Bella hiding now?

Dinner lasted longer than it had in years. My mother loved it. When it was clear that no one had any more room the usual fighting over who would clear the table and do the dishes. But as Emmett and Jasper went best 2 out of 3 for Rock-Paper-Scissors, Bella had gotten up and began clearing things around them.

"Bella dear, will you relax. You are a guest. You are the last one who should be doing that." My mother said touching her hand as Bella reached across her. Bella gave a brief smile.

"It has been too long. And you used to tell me to never feel like a guest but a part of the family. This means I am allowed to have dish duty every now and then." She continued on gathering plates and my mother gave up the fight. Instead she turned towards me.

"Well don't just sit there; you never let her do it alone before." She said before she gave me a sly grin and a wink. Emmett and Jasper decided to head into the family check the score for some game that was supposed to be on while Alice and Rose were trying to decide where they were going to take Renesme shopping first. I approached Bella who was rinsing dishes before putting them in the dishwasher.

"Need a hand?" I asked and she jumped, dropping the plate that was in her hand. It shattered on the floor and Bella looked like she had gone completely white. She gasped and then clutched her chest. I could almost hear her heart beating.

"Hey, are you okay?" I asked. I felt the protective instinct that I had always felt for Bella rising in me again as I crossed the kitchen to her in two steps. Had my presence frightened her? Didn't she hear me come into the room? Was there something else? I dreaded the thought that I could so easily frighten the one person I always wanted to protect from harm.

***BPOV***

I put my hand to my heart and was trying to will it to slow down. I had been so wrapped up in the day dream of what it would have been like if I hadn't pushed him away eight years ago. Would we be here? Having dinner as a family? Did he even want that back then? He was so quiet at dinner? Thank goodness Alice stepped in when Renesme started talking about James.

His voice cut through my thoughts and scared the shit out of me. I dropped a plate only to have it shatter. The next thing I knew he was next to me clutching my hands, examining me. Always the doctor even when he didn't need to be.

"I'm fine." I said wrenching my hands away from his touch. Esme and Carlisle both came into the room to check on the noise. Renesme followed seconds later with Rose and Alice in tow.

"What's going on? What fell? Bella are you okay? Edward?" Carlisle asked. Esme went to the large walk-in pantry and emerged with a broom and dust pan.

"Look out dears let me get this cleaned up. Edward take Bella up to the guest room and make sure she is okay. Alice keep Nessie over there so she doesn't get cut." Esme took the lead on all things in her home. It took a minute for me to realize what she had said and then I looked at Edward with narrow eyes.

"Great now your mother is calling her that too." I barked at him as we approached the stairs. Edward placed his hand on the small of my back. My whole body responded with the feeling of an electric current rushing through me. I shook my head thinking that it was something I would have gotten over, something that was a part of being young and naïve.

"Here come in here and sit down." Edward opened his bedroom door and gestured for me to sit down.

"I thought your mother said to bring me to the guest room?" I pointed to him while scanning his room quickly as he had done to mine. Not much had changed.

"Yeah well. We both know that I tend to do whatever I want anyways. So does it really matter?" He said as he scurried to the bathroom that was en suite to his room. I stood and walked to his dresser, then scanned the room again. There were pictures of his family all over. Tucked into the mirror was one of his, Alice, Emmett, Rose, Jasper and I we were young and all looked so happy. I saw the circles under my eyes; I tried to place the time period it would have been taken.

"It was the summer before high school started." Edward said not even looking up from the kit he held in his hand. I turned the picture over and saw the date. Wow he was right. I set the photo back into its place and looked around some more while he pulled out what he thought he needed. I hadn't cut myself thank goodness, but I don't think he had thought to check that just yet. I'm sure he was just so used to me hurting myself in some way that there must have been some protocol for him and Carlisle to follow.

"I'm fine you know. I didn't get cut. I'm not bleeding. You just startled me when you came into the kitchen." I said watching him do a mental check list of supplies needed for caring for Bella. He didn't respond right away so I wasn't sure if he heard me or not.

"Edward? Did you hear me? I said I'm fine." I repeated it stepping closer to him. He wasn't looking at the kit anymore, but he wouldn't look at me either. I followed his gaze to a collage that was on the wall next to his door. I didn't remember seeing it before so I stepped a little closer to look at it.

There were pictures of all of us. Of course he and I were never next to each other. There were words placed haphazardly around it. I stepped closer still. There were pictures of us when we were younger, growing up together. They spanned our childhood, adolescence and young adult periods.

"Alice made it for me." He whispered. "She used that poem from sophomore year that we had to memorize."

I walked up to the collage and read it to myself, part way through it Edward came up next to me and started reading it aloud.

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in

my heart) i am never without it (anywhere

i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done

by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear

no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want

no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

_e.e. cummings_

I turned to look at him and found him inches from me. I had not noticed him get so close while reading the poem. He was looking at me, had he been this close the whole time? The look on his face was almost sad. There was a longing in the green that I had dreamt of for years.

"Edward…"I began wanting to say something, to make him understand that I regretted not having him as a part of Renesme's life until now, that I had missed having him as my friend as well. I knew that he would never want me the way I had always wanted. Even the brief time in college when we had been together had been so hard to believe. Why would someone like him ever be interested in me? I wanted to tell him that I needed him as a friend again, especially at this point in time.

"Bella…" The way he said my name pulled me from my thoughts and all I could see were his lips. I forced my eyes to meet his. Deep dark green, a shade I felt I had seen before, a shade full of need and desire. We moved closer together, the tension almost over flowing. The spell was broken with a knock at the door and Alice's voice calling my name.

"Bella! Come on girl you need to get my new shopping partner home to rest. We have an early day tomorrow and lots of shopping to do." She pushed the door open and Edward and I stepped apart. Proving yet again that we would not be together.

"Coming Alice. Like I told you Edward, I'm fine. No cut. Just caught by surprise is all." I said as I walked toward Alice and then out the door. "Thank you for checking though." And with that I did what I do best and ran away from the Edward situation.

***EPOV***

I don't know what compelled me to do it. I had become terrified that she would see the collage and know that I hadn't let go of my love of her for all these years. And when she did see it, well then I wanted nothing more than for her to know that I still carried her in my heart. Alice of course had to come can interrupt things. Damn that pixie! She stood in my room looking at a retreating Bella and then back to me. I stood with my fists clenched.

"Did I interrupt something?" She asked with a gleam in her eye. I huffed and relaxed my hands, then walked out of my old room and downstairs. I was just in time to catch Bella and Renesme saying good night and preparing to head back next door.

"I'll walk you over and make sure you are all set." I said as I grabbed my keys. Bella looked at me as if she was going to protest. I needed answers and she was going to learn that she couldn't avoid me forever.

* * *

The quote about music is: Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life. ~Berthold Auerbach

And the poem is by E.E. Cummings it is one of my favorites.

Please review. I have been stuck on this one and could use some vibes positive or negative to help fuel the fire to keep going.


	10. Break even

Many thanks for the reviews and many apologies for the delay in the update. Real life seems to have gotten even more hectic than ever before. I have rewritten this chapter several times trying to figure out where these two are headed. Thank you for your patience with it. As a reminder I do not own the rights to Twilight or any of the characters, they belong to S.M.

And without further hesitation….the next chapter.

***BPOV***

After saying our good nights we walked the short distance across the Cullen's yard to Charlie's house. By the time we got back to the house Renesme was excited about the prospect of the day that was awaiting her, tomorrow. She talked through entering the house and heading upstairs, she talked through her bath. It continued as she brushed her teeth and got into her pajamas and then she managed to talk herself to sleep. Edward stood back and watched our routine, he waited refusing to leave. I groaned knowing that stubborn side of him. Before we had left the Cullen's he had said I couldn't hide forever and so now the time had come.

I closed the door to my old room where Renesme was sleeping and turned toward the stairs, sitting on the floor at the bottom was Edward, still waiting. I had seen him in the exact same spot during what now seemed like another lifetime. He stood up as I approached the last few stairs. His face told me he wasn't mad, yet. His eyes showed worry. I took a deep breath and when the last step put me eye to eye with him I said "So you ready for that talk?" He nodded and I walked passed him into the kitchen. I reached for two mugs for coffee; we were going to need it if he wanted the whole eight years tonight.

I felt his eyes on me while I struggled for a mug just out of my reach. Once I grabbed it with my fingers I turned and looked at him standing in the arch way. The look on his face was smug and his eyes had darkened a bit. "What?" I asked.

He grinned and said in a husky voice "You do not look at all what a mother of an eight year old should look like." I couldn't help but quirk an eyebrow at him. I walked over to the table and set the mugs down then turned back to the counter to prepare the coffee. During this process Edward pushed off the archway and headed to the table to take a seat. He looked so relaxed all of a sudden; like he belonged sitting there. I sighed and headed back to the living room, as I did so I spoke over my shoulder to him. "Stay there, I have to get something."

I knew right where they were in one of the bags I had checked at the airport of the plane ride. Something told me as we left our home in New York that I was going to need these right away. I did not expect that I would need the very first night. But then again I had not expected to see Edward right away either. I ran my hand over the soft leather cover and lifted the pile of books and headed back to the kitchen.

When I walked back in Edward was still in his seat, but coffee was now in each mug. I sat down and he looked at the books in my arms as I prepared to set them on the table. I explained without looking up at him that I had a scrapbook beginning with my pregnancy and for every year of Renesme's life. They were complete with information such as favorite toys, foods, songs, books and friends from each year. I saved passes from trips to museums, tags from birthday and Christmas gifts. You name it and it found a way into the scrapbook. As I handed the first one over I began telling Edward things I should have so long ago.

I watched his fingers ghost over the pictures of me getting larger as the weeks went on. He paused at her ultra sound pictures and smiled slightly. I sipped my coffee as I gave him the details that he hadn't been privy to until this moment. Over the course of an hour or so he examined the books reverently as I talked. My gut told me it was too good to be true while it lasted. It was in this moment that I felt the change. I looked up from my coffee to see the change in Edward's eyes and then the flex of his jaw. I swallowed knowing that he had come to one of the two pictures I should have pulled out a while ago, but knowing that if I did I would be hiding even more from my past.

James. I sighed. I found myself thinking about the fact that I had tried, unsuccessfully, to move on from my love of Edward by attempting to date James. We had met at the gym that I had Renesme signed up for swim lessons at. James was my major mistake, next to not telling Edward the truth that night things ended. I saw Edward's jaw clench then relax. Suddenly I was nervous. How did I explain this? I tried to skip past it by avoiding telling about the picture all together. It was Renesme, James and I at the zoo. It was the only picture he was in.

"Bella it is okay that you met someone," he's statement went unfinished because he turned the page and came to a picture of Renesme and I taken shortly after the previous one. There was no James in the picture, but in his place clearly were bruises on my face and arms that I had attempted to hide. What others pretended not to see, the camera caught mercilessly. His jaw flexed again, this time it stayed tense. When he finally spoke I felt myself brace for what was coming.

"Fucking Christ Bella!" His knuckles were white as he gripped the book. "Did he do that?" It was more of a statement than a question. I knew any response I gave would confirm it. And ashamed as usual by the situation I found myself giving the scripted response about it.

"It was an accident." I didn't want to have this conversation but it was going to happen no matter what. Edward would force it.

"What your face accidentally ran into his fist?" He spat the words at me and I felt even more ashamed. Edward was not done with his questioning either. "Does Charlie know?" He looked at me "Did he touch Renesme?" His jaw twitched. I couldn't look at him because if it hadn't been for him, James would have never have raised a hand to me. No, that wasn't fair; it wasn't Edward's fault any more than it was mine. "Bella!" I looked up to see his eyes filled with rage, and it spilled out in his tone of voice. I was so ashamed that I was angry as well. Who was he to act like he cared?

"No Edward he never laid a hand on her. It was over as soon as he did that to me. Not that it lasted all that long to begin with. No, Charlie doesn't know. It would have done no good back then, and there is really no point in bringing it up now." I looked into my mug and lifted it to take one last gulp as I brought it to my lips I whispered "Why do you care anyways?" Typically it would have been too low a mumble for most people to hear. But not Edward, he of course heard it as if I had shouted it. My eyes made contact with his as I took that last drink. If it was possible his eyes were even darker. Anger rolled off of him. He slammed the book down on the table.

"Seriously Isabella? Are you kidding me right now? It happened, that alone is reason enough for me to care. Never mind why. It happened." In an instant his hands were cradling my face, his fingers stroking where the bruises had been, gentle and loving. He forced me to look at him. "I have known about Renesme for barely 12 hours. I have loved you my entire life. I should have been there to protect the two of you from this. I wasn't. Shit how many times have I failed you?" The hurt was written all over his face. He was taking the blame because he wasn't with us, because he hadn't fought me that night when I pushed him away.

"I said your name." I whispered. I was fighting the tears that were about to spring free. I saw the confusion as he tried to understand my words. "I said your name in my sleep. It was your birthday. I had spoken to Alice earlier in the evening. I had a reaction to treatment and James fell asleep on the couch. I don't remember all specifics but apparently I had called out your name several times that night and James heard me. He first thought I was cheating on him, and then he realized what I had said and got angrier. He screamed at me, I don't even remember what he was saying. Before I realized what happened he hit me." I held my breath as I waited for his response. It was like watching Charlie; he went from pale to pink then to red and finally was purple. I held his gaze this time and suddenly part of my explanation hit him. And slowly his coloring reversed.

"You said my name?" He seemed dumb founded. His thumb worked in circles around my cheek. A few minutes went by and he removed his hand from my face. Sighing he set the scrapbooks aside and shook his head then downed the last of his coffee.

"I hate to cut this short, but I have an early shift at the hospital. We have more to discuss later so don't go leaving the state any time soon." His tone was clipped and all I could do was nod as I watched him get up to leave.

As he moved from the table I heard myself whisper "Those are for you. Go ahead and take them." He placed his mug in the sink and turned back to the table and raised an eyebrow at me. He eyed the stack of books and grinned.

"Thank you. I'll return them within the week. You know look through them; try to learn what I can from them. So that I feel like I know a little bit about her." He seemed glad to have more time to look at and try to absorb what he could about the last eight years.

"No." I began, "No, I mean they are yours to keep. I made them specifically for you. I chronicled everything I could, so that you could, well so that you could have it all even though you weren't able to be there." I was so embarrassed with this notion. He must think I am such a loser. I wanted him to leave before he saw it written all over me.

He picked up the books and said good night. I followed him out of the kitchen and to the front door. As he opened the door he said goodnight one more time as he stepped into the night. I watched him walk across the yard to the Cullen's driveway and get into his car. My heart tugged at the loss of the books and at the loss of him. Why was I always watching him leave? Why after so long did it still hurt to see? He started the engine and backed out and I felt tears prick my eyes. I crossed my arms in front of my chest trying to keep the cold of the night from reaching me, and trying to will myself to hold it together.

As he pulled down the street I closed the door and leaned my head against it. The tears began to fall. After what felt like hours I pulled myself up and headed up to try and get some sleep. It had been a draining day, physically and emotionally. I prayed that it could only get easier. It was a feeble prayer. I put my IPod on again. And pushed the buttons until I get to what I wanted. The lyrics settled me, made me feel for both Edward and I, I wrapped my arms around myself under the blanket, looking up through the window that he had been so upset about me being under.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

Just prayin' to a God that I don't believe in

Cos I got time while she got freedom

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst

She finally met a man that's gonna put her first

While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleepin'

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even…even…no

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you

And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're okay

I'm falling to pieces, yeah

I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason

But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding

Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving

And when a heart breaks no it don't break even...no

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you

And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're okay

I'm falling to pieces, yeah

I'm falling to pieces, yeah

I'm falling to pieces

One still in love while the other ones leaving

I'm falling to pieces

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Oh you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain

You took your suitcase, I took the blame

Now I'm try'na make sense of what little remains ooh

Cos you left me with no love and no love to my name

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in

Cos I got time while she got freedom

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break

No it don't break

No it don't break even no

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you

And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're okay

Oh glad you're okay now

I'm falling to pieces, yeah

Oh I'm glad you're okay

I'm falling to pieces, yeah

One still in love while the other ones leaving

I'm falling to pieces

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Oh it don't break even no

Oh it don't break even no

Oh it don't break even no

Then next song began to play and all I remember hearing was "Do you feel like a man when you push her around? Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?" I had only given part of the James story. I hadn't lied I just hadn't explained the full extent of things. I fell into a fitful sleep afraid of all that might come from.

***EPOV***

I had to get away. I heard the voice in my head say "track him down and kick the living shit out of him." The other more responsible of my brain said "Go home!" I should have known better. And then to have her tell me, all I felt was rage. I had felt the prick of jealousy when Renesme was talking about him at dinner but it was brief. And then to sit there and see him, to put a face to the name, James, that was what she called him. I looked at the picture and hated him instantly. Who the hell did he think he was? How dare he try and take my place, how dare he hurt my Bella! And it was in that moment that I knew I had to get out of there. But when she told me that it was because she said my name in her sleep, that it was on my birthday that he had hit her. Everything was spinning. I was drowning.

Having her back it was taking a toll. Seeing her sitting there at my parents' for dinner was like being in a time warp. I was a teenager all over again. Loving her from afar, because I couldn't bring myself to get over the hurt of her telling everyone but me.

I watched everyone interact with Renesme and was in awe of how quickly she just fit into the niche of niece and granddaughter like she had always owned the place at the table and in their lives. Then looking at the scrapbooks and listening to Bella. She had not been joking about chronicling everything. I had driven home as fast as possible, my right hand resting on top of the leather bound books as if it would protect them from any harm they might endure while I drove.

I had brought them straight into my bedroom and set them down on the bed. I paced the room for a while looking at the stack. Why had she done this? Why was she back? What did she want from me? What did I want from her? I stopped and looked at the books sitting there. They seemed to be mocking me in a way. They held all the secrets, everything I wanted to know, but I was too chicken shit to sit down and look at them. A growled rose up from deep in my chest.

"Damn it!" I yelled and turned to head to my bathroom to shower and maybe wash the day off of me and clear my head. I peeled my clothes off and slammed the door when I walked into the bathroom. It took everything not to put my fist through the wall next to the mirror. I ran the water and stepped into the shower. As it hit me I shook my head then leaned it against the tiles of the wall. I stood there thinking about all that she had told me. Thinking about the last weeks I had been with her, before she pushed me away. The pieces all came together. "Damn it! Fucking A!" I lost my control with the thought that I had seen it, I knew but I refused to believe it at the time. She was reacting to medication, she was over worked with classes and spending time with me and my schedule. "Moron! How did you not figure it out! How did you, a fuckin' doctor not know?" With that thought I turned the water off and grabbed a towel. As I stepped back into my room the stack of books taunted me. I dressed in quickly and sat on the bed. Spreading the books out, I picked each one up and placed them in an order. I sat there looking over every event, every moment captured by Bella or someone else. It looked like there was a picture for every single day of the last seven years. I turned to my night stand and turned on my IPod sitting on the charger. I didn't pay attention to what I hit folder wise I just needed to have noise while I sat here.

I had sat here for well over an hour, and avoided the one book I wanted to look at the most until I finally couldn't take it anymore. I set the book down that I had been looking in, year four. God she had grown a lot in that year, and done so much. I picked up the pink colored leather book and began to open it. There it was in front of me the image of Bella's pregnancy test, I saw the date and cursed myself more for not knowing. As I turned the page there she was pregnant with my child. God, I thought about how I would have loved to have felt that first kick with her. Or have fallen asleep with my arms cradling her belly. I looked at the various shots of Bella as her stomach grew, profile shots from each week then ultra sounds of Renesme. She even had one of those black and white photos of her hands forming a heart against the bare skin of her stomach. What surprised me the most was how beautiful she was during the whole pregnancy. Each weeks picture only made he appear more curvy more sensual. Glowing as she grew. There was one where she was dressed in a tea length cobalt blue dress. I looked at the caption she had for it. Angela and Ben's wedding. She had her hair up, a single curled tendril had fallen loose, her breasts had grown and were taunting me from the photo. Her legs were supple not swollen like others that fair along. She was beautiful. I felt myself grow erect as I looked at that picture. It was better than any porn I could have ever looked at, it was also worse. It teased me. This was not a sight I would ever have the pleasure of knowing in person. But it was one that I wanted more than any other. No woman I had been with since would hold a candle to her now. No centerfold more sexy, not sweet mouth or hot core more unnerving. My body wanted Bella, just like my heart, mind and without a doubt my soul. She was back and I was determined to right this, to make her mine.

As my resolve amongst other things hardened looking at her pictures over the course of the pregnancy, my cell phone rang. I shook my heard. Talk about timing. After completing a cycle of ringing, someone decided they were going to try again. I looked again at it. "Not gonna happen." I said mockingly to the phone. Again a moment of silence was shattered with the shrill noise of the ring tone. I grabbed it and was shocked at the anger in my voice.

"What Tanya? What do you need now?" I barked at her for interrupting my time with my girls. Mine! I growled internally.

* * *

Now we all know that it can't be that easy for them to get together...

Please leave something, love or hate, just a little something to get me through the next chapter. If you leave me review, then you will get hot steam Edward in the next chapter...I mean, I have to put a few tarty sweets in here somewhere or it wil be no fun to read.


	11. Intervention

Last time…

_As my resolve amongst other things hardened looking at her pictures over the course of the pregnancy, my cell phone rang. I shook my heard. Talk about timing. After completing a cycle of ringing, someone decided they were going to try again. I looked again at it. "Not gonna happen." I said mockingly to the phone. Again a moment of silence was shattered with the shrill noise of the ring tone. I grabbed it and was shocked at the anger in my voice. _

"_What Tanya? What do you need now? I barked at her for interrupting my time with my girls. Mine! I growled internally. _

*EPOV*

I can't believe I just agreed to what I did. I growled again and looked down at my phone and the book that lay open before me. Without thinking about the consequences of my actions I managed in a single movement flip the open scrapbook on the floor and sweep the rest off the side of the bed. My breathing was ragged and I felt my own self loathing creep up from some buried crevasse. Instead of picking up them up and placing the neatly in a stack to be examined again later I left them there and hurled my cell phone toward the far wall of my room. The sound of the plastic shattering did not seem to register to my overwhelmed mind.

I stalked out to the kitchen hoping to get a drink the help my head catch up all that had happened. I pulled the fridge open but there was nothing. No beer, no wine, no chilled bottle of liquor in the freezer. I couldn't take it and I did not register the fact that I had punched the closed refrigerator door until lifted my throbbing hand to open the cabinet where I would hid the reserved Dewar's White Label. I had barely thrown back the shot of Scotch whisky when the bell rang. I poured one last shot and threw it back. The burn of the liquor hit my throat. I set the glass down and went to the door. I was expecting Tanya when I opened the door instead I found my siblings standing there, my sisters reading Tanya the riot act and my brothers just shaking their heads at me.

"Edward!" Alice's voice shrieked at me. "Please tell me that this piece of trash is confused and was on her way to some other man's home when she took a wrong turn on the hooker highway!" Rose smirked at Alice's comment while Jasper and Emmett looked anywhere else that they could.

Tanya seemed shocked at the statement and that it was directed at her. Her mouth hung open and Emmett couldn't resist a snicker. "Tanya. You may want to shut your mouth. That look just isn't attractive on anyone." Her eyes narrowed at him.

"Fuck you asshole!" Tanya snapped. "And it is up to Eddie if I stay or go. Not you people!" I was reminded again why I avoided having her around my family. She always seemed to be looking down her nose at everyone. She had been like this since we were children. And just like when we were younger she was still trying to get into my pants, I found it funny how it was normally the guy trying to get the girl but with Tanya it was the other way around. She stood there glaring at me and the wave of regret for what I was going to do hit me.

"Go home Tanya." I said sounding angrier than I expected. But then again I was about to let her into my home again to get my need for Bella out of my head. Her mouth hung open again.

"Oh man. Trashy Tanya shot down again. Better quite gaping at my brother and get your nasty infested cooch out of here before we force it out." Rose quipped. Tanya took a step toward her and Emmett stepped in front of her.

"Oh I don't think so sweetheart. You lay a hand on my wife and it goes to a whole new level you don't want it to." His voice was calm but sounded like it he was not to be messed with. Tanya huffed at him then turned to me.

"Eddie, how can you let them talk to me like that? Seriously, say something!" Her voice took on a shrilling sound that was worse than having finger nails tear down a chalkboard. I was getting pissed at her, and at my siblings for causing this scene before me.

"I did. I told you to go home." I said flatly. "Are you guys coming in or were you just making sure that I went to bed safe and sound?" I let out a huff myself as I stepped aside and let the clan in. Always traveling in packs, it was weird but this was how we had always been. Never alone. Tanya let out another huff then turned and stomped off. I sighed knowing I was going to hear about this from both sides for at least three days.

I stepped aside, "Well are you coming in or is the intervention over now that she is gone?" I asked sounding a little more pissed than I should have. They were right about Tanya and I knew it. Alice rolled her eyes and pushed passed me. Rose followed behind her, "Ass." She muttered to me as she entered the doorway. Jasper and Emmett followed and just shook their heads as they passed me. I knew the routine by now. And you would think that I would get it, but I would never admit to them that the hurt that was caused by Bella was hard to get over. And though I hadn't had a serious relationship in all these years because some small corner of my heart was holding out for her, I was a man and I did have needs. God I sound like a cliché.

They were here to discuss the "Bella situation" as Alice phrased it. I sat and listened for what felt like hours. The conclusion they had all come to, the one that only seemed to make sense was for Bella and I to be together. They said everything my heart wanted but my head refused to believe.

"She left me remember? She didn't want to be with me." I growled. They had been civil about my outburst toward Bella when it happened, but now it was unwelcome. Emmett was the first to respond.

"Hey shit head all you'd ever given her was crap then you run into her there in New York and suddenly you love her. When she saw through your shit she left. But not before you managed to knock her up! And if you say one more thing about my little sister or my niece I will kick your ass!" His nostrils flared as his breathing was alerting me that he was at the point where he would no doubt kick my ass.

I laughed to myself and he growled. "She's my daughter you shit, so don't worry I wouldn't say anything." I laughed again, "My daughter that I didn't know existed." I looked at Alice and she met my glare. Her eyes had that "all-knowing" look. "But you knew didn't you? What about you?" I turned my attention toward Jasper. For the most part he had been quiet, his presence having a calming effect for everyone.

It was Alice who answered. "We all knew you jerk! You were the one who never wanted to hear her name, or anything related to her. I am the only one that Renesme had met until today. Bella was worried that too many questions would be asked and she would have to give Nessie up before she was ready!" She hadn't broken eye contact with me and looked like she was ready to pound sense into me along with Emmett. And then her words hit me.

"Y-you-you all knew?" I stammered. My mind was reeling at the thought that my entire family knew about Renesme but not one of them bothered to tell me about her.

Jasper looked at me and the calm was gone. "Now Edward, what are you going to do about the Bella situation? Because if you so much as have Tanya on your front step again, I will not be held responsible for what Emmett or Alice do to you. Not to mention what I will do to you myself." He said his peace and stood up. Alice stood as well and then looked at me hard in the eyes.

"Do you still love her?" She asked. I met her gaze, just as intensely. It was there, she could read it. Just as she always had before. I couldn't hide it from her, just as I couldn't hide it from myself.

"Here is the deepest secret nobody knows here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud the sky of the sky…" I didn't get to finish the poem that I had memorized so long ago, the same one that hours before Bella had discovered, Alice held a hand up to stop me.

"Alright, intervention over. Don't do it again. Please. She needs you. They both do." Alice said. It was enough for the rest to trust and move to leave. But I needed one more thing from her before she left, because Bella would never tell me.

"Ali, did he hurt her more than once? Just tell me, how badly did I fail to protect her?" I saw the falter in her eyes. I just nodded my head. I didn't need an exact number just to know. "Was it because of me?" I asked the others had stopped to listen to our one sided conversation. She barely moved her head. But it was enough for me. I closed my eyes. I heard the door click closed. And in that moment I felt everything I had refused to feel for the last eight years. And when I was done, what felt like hours later I made the decision to do all that I could to change things. I just didn't know if she would be willing to as well.

* * *

Sorry I know it is short, I just have had a really hard time getting this chapter and needed it to just be done. Let me know what you think.


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